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Posts Tagged ‘Chicago Bears’

Da Bears Bite Da Dust

Posted by Bob Swerski on January 1, 2009

I find it difficult to listen to AM670 The Score after a Bears game.  I don’t know why I tune my radio in, but I do and it drives me friggin crazy.  Sunday was no exception.

I’m sitting at a buddy’s house watching the Bears jump out to a quick  10-0 lead against the already eliminated Texans.  We have the computer tuned into the Viqueens and Oakland games to find out that the Giants played their starters and are involved in a close game against the ‘Queens and Oakland jumped out to an early lead against Tampa Bay.  All seems to be going as planned in Chicago.

Then the disaster which is the Bears strikes deep into the hearts of Chicago fans.  A swiss cheese defensive secondary, an inadequate defensive line, a fumbled kickoff return, and a quarterback who can’t throw the ball accurately downfield to a receiving corp among the worst in professional football.  This all leads to the mediocre Texans crushing the Bears in a game which looks close in the score column, but wasn’t at all close.

Where can I begin?

First of all, there is no difference between Rex Grossman and Kyle Orton.  They both suck, plain and simple.  Orton turns the ball over less, so his pathetic quarterback play often gets overlooked.  He isn’t “improving week by week” as some analysits like to claim.  He has reached his pinnacle and it is pathetic.

Next, it doesn’t much matter who we have throwing the ball because our receivers all suck.  Hester is not a number one type of receiver.  He is more like a Santonio Holmes type of speed receiver who can get downfield, run a few reverses, and make a big play happen.  The Bears need a guy like Hines Ward (sticking with the Pittsburgh analogy) to pick up first downs.

Now on to the defense.  The defense is the most pathetic aspect of the Bears team.  While they aren’t necessarily as bad as the offense, they have much more talent so more is expected.  Their secondary sucks.  Their defensive line gets no pressure.  Their linebackers (Brian Urlacher in particular) are playing nowhere near what they are getting paid.  They lead the league in take-a-ways, but that is because they only go for the strip so they also lead the league in failed tackles and yards given up after initial contact.   The Bears defense makes every quarterback look like a fucking Hall of Famer for Christ’s sake.  The total combined numbers for quarterbacks in the Bears final 6 loses have been:

156/229      1762 total yards      10 touchdowns

…The Bears defense combined for 3 total sacks in these 6 loses.

Finally, the coaching staff is terrible.  The Bears are one of the most unimaginative teams in football.  There is a quote that goes “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results.”  This sums up what my thoughts are of the Bears coaching motto.  They do the same boring crap over and over again on offense.  Their defense doesn’t blitz or get any pressure on the quarterback.  Their are never any defensive line stunts.  The offense hardly ever runs outside the hashmarks.  There are never any trick plays.  They never throw the ball to wide receivers, only tight ends and running backs.  The coaching staff has turned the Bears into the most uninspired, boring, most predictable teams in the NFL.

To top it all off, the Eagles ended up winning so all the Bears had to do was win their game.  The two underdog teams (Philly and Oakland) pulled out victories (Oakland didn’t even have anything to play for), and the Bears laid a fucking egg.

Word of the week:  Disappointing


Posted in NFL | Tagged: , | Comments Off on Da Bears Bite Da Dust

Bear Down Bitches

Posted by Bob Swerski on September 9, 2008

(Insert Kyle Orton looking stupid picture.)

^The Bears QB Future

With the Cubs on their usual end of the year slide, Chicago has turned their eyes to another winning team, the Chicago Bears?!?! For all those who missed Sunday Night Football, the Bears ran rashaad over the Colts with an impressive win. Lead by Rookie RB Matt Forte and a defense that was able to keep one of the best offensive teams in the league to under 14 points, the Bears appear to be a formidable team this year.

The Bears were able to score on offense and defense, and while the special teams appeared to be somewhat shaky (with a questionable play by Hester trying to run out of the endzone), the direction is up for this Bears team that had relatively low hopes for this season. It’s time for Chicago to Bear Down for another long winter and another football season.

P.S. For all those wondering, I am returning to my fantasy football league this year as Champion, and defeated my brother-in-law Week 1 in dominating fashion. I only expect more of the same from the coming weeks.

Posted in NFL | Tagged: , | Comments Off on Bear Down Bitches

Benson Needs A Lesson

Posted by Bob Swerski on June 7, 2008

Cedric Benson needs to take a lesson from Lance Briggs about how to avoid getting a DUI. 

In all seriousness, it is time for the Chicago Bears and Cedric Benson to say arrivederci.  In only 2 months now, Benson has been arrested for boating while intoxicated (who knew that was a crime), and driving while intoxicated.  While he didn’t need to be pepper sprayed in this incident, he was thrown into jail and is currently out after visiting Chico’s Bail Bonds.  Benson has denied all charges, much like everyone else in his situation would do (He doesn’t look drunk in the picture above, does he?).  Here is a letter which I am sending Cedric:

Dear Mr. Benson,

You avoid the law like you avoid the opposing defense.  Which might be why you can’t seem to get any yards.  Have fun in prison and say hi to Tank Johnson for me.

Your’s Truly,


P.S.  You suck.

Posted in MLB | Tagged: , | Comments Off on Benson Needs A Lesson

Urlacher For Ocho?

Posted by Matt on April 18, 2008

Editor’s Note: Discuss this article NOW over at ACC vs. SEC! – Urlacher For Ocho?

Sources are reporting that current Chicagoan Brian Urlacher has asked for a trade through his agent and is flirting with retirement if not dealt.

My first thought? Chad Johnson and a draft pick for Brian Urlacher. Apparently the #85 jersey is available on the Bears but it appears as if David Haugh of the Chicago Tribune doesn’t like the idea (link).

I do, and I’ll tell you why. It fills a need for both teams.

Da Bears need a marquee wide receiver after releasing Muhsin Muhammad and seeing Bernard Berrian headed to the Vikings, while the Bengals need to do something with Chad Johnson because this situation is only going to get worse before it gets better.

On the other side, the Bengals need defense and lots of it. Urlacher is the play-making linebacker that Bengals’ fans have been begging for and thought they might have had in Odell Thurman before the “can’t stay out of trouble” bug bit the team. Brian, like Ocho Cinco, is seeking a trade.

Of course there are all kinds of contract issues I am not smart enough to figure out and relay to you fine people but I do know that Johnson’s contract MUST be restructured before any deal could be put in to place due the Salary Cap hit the Bengals would take. However, as Condo said, “if Chad ‘really’ wants to be traded, he’ll restructure.”

Plus, if they’re both making demands why not trade one problem for another?

Could this act be heading to “The Windy City”? I doubt Chicago fans want Chad but we’ll wait for Swerski to return from his most recent binge to weigh in from Bears Camp on the issue.

Linkage: Chicago Sun-Times

Posted in Cincinnati Bengals, NFL | Tagged: , | 6 Comments »

Rex Grossman Sucks – Part 3

Posted by Bob Swerski on February 27, 2008


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sports090a.jpg 2004021997.jpg bears_fumble.jpg smhchargers277150x0022_thumb.jpg

This is starting to become a popular theme for a lot of my posts. The theme being that Rex Grossman is a terrible quarterback whowill be unable to lead a veteran team to a Superbowl ring. I know this because, after sitting on the sidelines with injuries his first few years, he entered 2006 with high hopes of being a superstar on the field and after 5 great games to start off the season he tanked at EPIC proportions. Then last season he was benched for Brian Griese and eventually Kyle Orton after being injured upon his return.

His contract was up after the season and I, like everyone else in Bears Nation, expected our Monsters of the Midway to severe ties with this horrific football display and pick up a new QB anyway possible. I personally wanted the team to take the “Vince Papali” approach and hold open tryouts to everyone in Chicago. I’m sure in a city that large there had to be a any number of people who can do better then a 0 and a 1.3 QB rating. I mean even the punter had a better QB rating in one game after throwing an incomplete pass. Apparently 0 for 1 nets you around a 30 QB rating.

Getting to my point, I was happy to be rid of this “player” once and for all when the most bizarre thing in the history of the Bears organization occurred: They actually resigned him.

I have to repeat that to myself several times a day as I can hardly believe it. I’ve heard of some questionable moves, but this one takes the cake for making completely no sense at all. Jerry Angelo is a good GM, but if he thinks that Bears fans, particularly this one, is going to put up with this he is sadly mistaken.

Posted in NFL | Tagged: , | 10 Comments »

Muhammad Released By Bears, Vows Jihad

Posted by Matt on February 19, 2008


It was on that day I put a jihad on them. And if you don’t believe it then you’d better kill me now because I’ll put a jihad on you, too.

The Chicago Bears released 34-year-old Muhsin Muhammad yesterday in a move that was apparently long expected. Whenever Bob Swerski sobers up maybe he can shed some light on this as I’m not much of a Chicaaagoan but with Bernard Berrian a free agent and the Bears’ offense anemic at best, it seems as if the timing of this move is a bit questionable. Moose still had two years left on his contract and I am bothered by the fact that, to me, the word “contract” doesn’t mean what the NFL seems to think it means — which is apparently “jack shit”.

But then again, what do I know? Nothing…except for the fact that no Bears post is complete without this infidel:



Posted in NFL | Tagged: , , | 7 Comments »

Let The Bears Quarterback Carousel Continue

Posted by Bob Swerski on December 14, 2007


I have awakened from my drunken slumber and have made my return to TNB. This weekend we will see the return of KYLE ORTON, a quarterback who has complied a nice record by simply taking the snap and not really beating himself, allowing the Bears defense and special teams to win games. Let us review the troubled history of the Bears QB Carousel, starting with 1983… the year I was born.

Jim McMahon: Probably the second best quarterback ever to suit up in a Bears uniform after Sid Luckman. The Punky QB was somewhat injury prone but did lead the Bears to the promised land in 1985. McMahon is the only Bears quarterback to be selected to the Pro Bowl in recent memory, which says a lot about the people to come after him. DRAFTED:1982 (Round 1). STARTED: 1982-1988. TRADED: 1989

Steve Fuller: Picked up by the Bears from the L.A. Rams to sub in for the often injured McMahon.  He was a decent back up behind McMahon, but then again with Walter Payton at running back I could be a decent back up. PICKED UP:1984. STARTED: 1984-1986. RELEASED: 1987.

Rusty Lisch: Sucked big time. He started only 1 game against the Packers and was so terrible that Ditka had to sign Greg Landry from the retirement home to play the final game of the season. SIGNED: 1984. STARTED: 1984. RELEASED:1985

Greg Landry: Threw 3 picks in his 1 game as a Bear, but he won, beating the Lions to finish off the season. SIGNED: 1984. STARTED: 1984. RETIRED: 1984.

Mike Tomczak: Many of TNB fans might remember this choad who came out of OSU. He was signed as an undrafted free agent and played mostly back up behind a slew of different quarterbacks. He is best known for warming up Jim Harbaugh’s nutsack before Jim took the field. SIGNED: 1985. STARTED: 1986-1990. PUT TO TRASH BIN: 1991.

Doug Flutie: Apparently he didn’t eat his Flutie flakes before playing for the Bears. Ditka started him 1 game against the Washington Redskins… which he lost. It is good to know that his final play in the NFL was when he drop-kicked an extra point. What a loser. TRADED FOR: 1986. STARTED: 1986. TRADED: 1987.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in NFL | Tagged: , | 3 Comments »

New Offensive Strategy: Bears Edition

Posted by Bob Swerski on October 2, 2007


This is a new idea which I feel could actually help the Bears offense a great deal… I’ll call it the Faux Punt.  We simply line Devin Hester 20 yards behind the line of scrimmage, hike the ball to Griese, and then have him lob it back to D.H .as if it were a punt or kick return.  I have a feeling that it would be alot more productive over our current offense which is called the interception-punt (throwing the ball downfield to the other team instead of to our team which in a way acts as a short punt). 

In all seriousness, why do teams even bother kicking the ball to Devin Hester?  It has been shown that you have a better chance to score with our offense on the field than we do, so why not just give it to us on the 40 and wait for our offense to throw you a touchdown pass. 

Take our most recent loss to the Lions.  Our offense had a total 303 yards, which was our highest production of the season.  Devin Hester had around 314 return yards and a touchdown (this could have been higher but the Lions made 2 shoe-string leg tackles which prevented Hester from putting a few more points on the board).  In Week 2 against the Chiefs after shooing away a few pigeons, Hester ran it back 73 yards untouched for the score.  The fact is that Bears fans get excited whenever he is on the field because there is a definite possibility of him running it back for a touchdown.  Never have I ever experienced sitting on the edge of my seat for every punt and kickoff return, while going to get beer and nacho refills while our offense is on the field.

I show this video for several reasons:  1.  It has my favorite announcer Jeff Joniak calling all the returns from last season.  2.  You can see that Devin Hester does it all whether it be breaking tackles like in the Minnesota game, great cuts like in the Arizona game, and pure speed like both the ones in St. Louis.  And 3.  After the first one the Bears announcers were somewhat surprised, but by the last couple you have the other announcer giggling in the background while Joniak before the ball is even snapped questions why you would kick to him.

Posted in NFL | Tagged: , | Comments Off on New Offensive Strategy: Bears Edition

Rex Grossman Sucks – Part 2

Posted by Bob Swerski on September 24, 2007


Rex Grossman’s passer rating in first 3 games: 45.2

Robbie Gould’s passer rating in first 3 games: 39.6

Thats right, after Robbie Gould went 0-1 last night in a fake field goal attempt, his passer rating is almost equal to Rex Grossman’s who is rocking it with 6 interceptions and only 1 touchdown pass (on a trick tackle eligible play from the 1 yard line). 

I can already hear the excuses coming in today’s media about how last night the Bears didn’t play well anywhere (which is true), and about all the dropped balls (which is also true),  but Rex Grossman doesn’t give the Bears a chance to win ball games which is the major problem. 

Not yet convinced?  Well how about the fact that Rex has thrown the same amount of touchdown passes to the opposing teams as he had to his own team.  Or maybe it is that he only has 500 yards throwing the ball to our team and he has 100 yards throwing the ball to the other team.  He has thrown 6 interceptions and only 1 touchdown. 

People who have completed more or equal to Rex Grossman’s touchdowns who aren’t starting quarterbacks: Kyle Boller, Kurt Warner, J.T. O’Sullivan, Kellen Clemens.  You probably have never even heard of the last 2, ’cause I sure as shit haven’t.

It’s time for Rex’s “gunslinger” approach to be benched in favor of Griese’s “I promise not to turn the ball over as much as Rex” approach.  I can pinpoint the exact moment when I knew it was time to replace Rex.  It was New Year’s Eve of last year and the Bears dropped a meaning less game to the Packers (if any game against the Packer’s is meaningless).  After the game he said, “Ya’, I felt like I was goin’ to play for a half, it was the last game, IT WAS NEW YEAR’S EVE.  There are so many other factors so I didn’t really concentrate.”  It is unbelieveable that a starting quarterback would feel that way let alone admit it to the media.  Enough with the excuses, enough with the turnovers, enough with Rex Grossman.

Posted in NFL | Tagged: , | 14 Comments »

Lance Briggs Vs. Lightpole: Round 1

Posted by Bob Swerski on August 28, 2007


You look at the car above and you cry because it was a Lamborghini.  Fighting back tears you read the story of Lance Briggs, ‘Da Bears’ Pro-Bowl linebacker who was involved in this one-car accident.  You learn that it was found abandoned at 3:15 in the morning on the Edens (a highway north of Chicago) by the State Patrol.  There was no driver in the car at the time, the wreck was not reported, and there were apparently no injuries.  One might start to think that a star driving his car and running it into a lightpole at 3:15 AM, and then leaving the scene of an accident, would involve alcohol, but according to head coach Lovie Smith who was asked about alcohol’s involvement by a reporter:

“Now, how did we get to that part?” Smith asked. “We have a one-car accident and now alcohol is involved? I think that’s stretching a little bit to go that far.”

OF COURSE THERE WAS ALCOHOL INVOLVED!  I add 2 and 2 and come out with 4… but apparently Lovie Smith comes up with 5 and then questions how I came to 4. 

Here in a “The Nasty Boys'” EXCLUSIVE video as we have Lance Briggs (the one in black) being helped to his car by 2 other gentlemen.

Of course he was drunk Lovie, and there is no other reason to think otherwise.  Luckily for Bears fans, and humanity really, he didn’t hurt anyone and made it home in enough time so he wouldn’t get caught and suspended.

Also, Briggs was at practice Monday morning bright and early, before being arrested with 2 misdemeanors for leaving the scene of an accident and failing to report an accident within 30 minutes.  F*ck man, I don’t even want to go to class or work early in the morning after drinking let alone after wrecking a car at 3:15 in the morning;  Briggs should be commended for making it in on time.  (Not really but a little sarcasm in what could have been a scary situation couldn’t hurt.)

Posted in NFL | Tagged: , | 2 Comments »

Ode To Papa Bear Halas (The Only Coach Who MIGHT Be Better Than Ditka)

Posted by Bob Swerski on August 23, 2007


Many of you who aren’t fans of the greatest team to grace professional sports (‘DA BEARS’), then you might have never heard of George Halas because he probably retired and died before many people reading this were even born. It is hard to gather all of the thoughts of such a great man and write them into a single article, but here I will try.

The fact is that one could write more volumes than the Britannica on each season he was an owner, player, and coach. His contribution to both the Bears, and the NFL, is vast and calling him one of the greatest people in football history is acceptable.

His record alone (324-152-32 ) is enough to enshrine him in the pantheon of the greatest. His 40 years of coaching with only 6 losing seasons is  enough. His 6 NFL Championships is enough. He was MVP of the Rose Bowl in 1919, he invented the T-formation, he led the Bears to the most one-sided victory in NFL history (beat the Washington Redskins 73-0 in the 1940 Championship game), and he returned a fumble 98 yards in 1923, which was a record that would stand until 1975.

Halas was a player and/or a coach from 1920-1967, retiring very briefly several times, and was an owner for over 63 years. He was integral in forming the league during this time, when he was one of the people who met in 1920 to change the American Football League to the NFL. Halas is enshrined in Canton, Ohio and his number 7 is retired by the Bears. Since 1984 the initials GSH have appeared on the sleeves of Bear uniforms in honor of Papa Bear (seen below).


And the last ‘tid bit’ of information: Halas played 12 games as an outfielder of the Yankees before suffering a hip injury. He was replaced by this guy named Ruth…

Posted in NFL | Tagged: , | Comments Off on Ode To Papa Bear Halas (The Only Coach Who MIGHT Be Better Than Ditka)

Rex Grossman Sucks

Posted by Bob Swerski on August 21, 2007

Below is a video of this guy watching Rex Grossman play in his second preseason game on Monday Night Football. I’m not sure if it was after his interception or one of his three fumbles (1 lost) in only a quarter worth of “work.” It is going to be a long season for Bears’ fans (some ‘not safe for work’ language):

Posted in NFL | Tagged: , | 7 Comments »