Very much contradictory to my half-drunken predictions, the Bengals have resigned Cedric Benson to go along with Lavernezilli Coles signing in what are now the marquee moves for Cincinnati this offseason. All must be right in the Bengal Nation. Bengal-mania is back! WHO DEY!
Well, probably not, but I like to look at the bandwagon as having a revolving door to fit my needs.
-Hanoi Hobson’s old school spin.
Not quite sure how I missed this one last week but my current level of excitement cannot be contained so much that I have been trolling Bengals.com all morning and looking specifically at the wide receiver situation. On February 23, Hanoi had this to say about Jerry Simpson:
“I know a lot of people inside and outside the Bengals fear Simpson is a bust but, to his great credit, Lewis has always backed Simpson to the hilt. So much so that Lewis seemed to be coaxing Palmer to get more in Simpson’s camp.
All I know is this: In 20 preseason and regular-season games last year, only one wide receiver actually made a downfield catch longer than 40 yards, and it was Simpson. Forget it was the preseason and it was a throwaway launched by and into a bunch of second-half backups. The kid jumped up and made a play, and that exactly hasn’t been happening around here.”
Yeah, please forget that 40+ yard catch was in the American Legion’s annual Celebrity Flag Football Game For The Cure and Jerry was being hilariously covered by local “celeb” Nick Lachey in the short-nonathletic-white-dude-competes-against-large-athletic-black-man irony that the average American loves. Simpson (“Largest WR hands at the 2008 NFL Combine!”) had 1 reception for 2 yards the entire season. True story.
I think Brett Favre had that in his first completion with Green Bay and last I heard he wasn’t a wide receiver nor was he coming out of retirement (yet).
-Bengals fans are collectively retarded. — My apologies to the retarded, being compared to a Bengals fan really paints those folks in a bad light.
Today’s fan poll on Bengals.com begs the question, “What do you think of the Laveranues Coles signing?” and 71% went with “Great move – now we have a deep corps of receivers (Ed.’s Note: Citation needed.)“. 23.9% said, “It’s OK — doesn’t wow me either way (Ed.’s Note: That’s what she said.)” while 5.9% decided that it was a “Bad move — he’s no TJ”.
Let me preface my belligerent ramblings by saying I have no problems with Laveranues Coles and I actually didn’t mind the signing overall. He seems like a class act, something that has been a rarity in recent history, and 4 of the last 5 seasons he has somehow found a way on to my fantasy team, with me having no recollection of actually drafting him or picking him up from the waiver wire, and performed sufficiently. (I will also add to the preface that a fourth choice of “It is a decent signing but the offensive line is still shitty” is a conspicuously absent option from the fan poll.)
However, the 71% of fans that are overly enthusiastic about the signing of Coles are indicative of a fan base that goes through life looking through orange-colored lenses and it really chaps my ass. These are the same delusional human beings that buy in to the “Bengals finished strong” argument because the team went 4-3-1 in the last 8 games despite the fact the 4 wins were against divisional bottom-feeders with a combined .297 winning percentage.
I witnessed this problem up close in training camp last summer. The exact same fans would show up every day covered in Bengals schwag from head to toe, begging for autographs from players half their age as if proving their blind, undying loyalty makes them better people than their unemployed reality portrays. These are the same mongrels that show up every Sunday to Paul Brown Stadium, rain or shine, and plop their fat asses in uncomfortable chairs with their overpriced cheese coneys and $9 beers, helping to ensure that Mike Brown will have to change very little to continue making his millions.
-Please, please, PLEASE don’t use high draft picks on a running back or wide receiver.
Especially not after drafting three wide receivers last year (Simpson/Caldwell/Urrutia) and signing another one as a college free agent (Maurice Purify). Benson and company in the backfield plus any combination of Ocho Cinco/Coles/Henry/Simpson/Your Mom may not be the best offense in the league, but the Bengals have far more pressing issues at this point than the skill positions.
Mr. Hobson initially agrees that the Benson/Coles signings will free up the draft for Cincinnati but quickly returns to usual form by claiming that wide receiver Michael Crabtree is still an option, especially now that Seattle has addressed their needs with Houshmazoad:
“The Bengals have plenty of needs, but they don’t have a gaping hole that they must fill with the No. 6 or No. 38 picks. Particularly at No. 6, where they can now take anything, and that includes Texas Tech wide receiver Michael Crabtree if he slips because of his foot stress fracture. But, if someone wants to jump and get Crabtree, now the Bengals have the luxury of trading down if they want to talk turkey at No. 6.
(Seattle, picking at No. 4, is presumably out of the receiver sweepstakes now that Houshmandzadeh is in the fold.)”
Heh, he said ‘gaping hole’. But seriously, the Bengals have needs and I know of one gaping hole in particular and it is wherever Eric Ghiaciuc lines up (or doesn’t if he doesn’t resign).
If the Bengals spend the #6 overall selection on a guy with a bum leg when they now have 8 wide receivers to take to training camp (plus any invitees), and with former Bengals Tab Perry and Kelley Washington still on the market, I may just turn to illicit drug use to ease the pain — otherwise known as “Weekday Mornings” in my household.