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Da Bears Bite Da Dust

Posted by Bob Swerski on January 1, 2009

I find it difficult to listen to AM670 The Score after a Bears game.  I don’t know why I tune my radio in, but I do and it drives me friggin crazy.  Sunday was no exception.

I’m sitting at a buddy’s house watching the Bears jump out to a quick  10-0 lead against the already eliminated Texans.  We have the computer tuned into the Viqueens and Oakland games to find out that the Giants played their starters and are involved in a close game against the ‘Queens and Oakland jumped out to an early lead against Tampa Bay.  All seems to be going as planned in Chicago.

Then the disaster which is the Bears strikes deep into the hearts of Chicago fans.  A swiss cheese defensive secondary, an inadequate defensive line, a fumbled kickoff return, and a quarterback who can’t throw the ball accurately downfield to a receiving corp among the worst in professional football.  This all leads to the mediocre Texans crushing the Bears in a game which looks close in the score column, but wasn’t at all close.

Where can I begin?

First of all, there is no difference between Rex Grossman and Kyle Orton.  They both suck, plain and simple.  Orton turns the ball over less, so his pathetic quarterback play often gets overlooked.  He isn’t “improving week by week” as some analysits like to claim.  He has reached his pinnacle and it is pathetic.

Next, it doesn’t much matter who we have throwing the ball because our receivers all suck.  Hester is not a number one type of receiver.  He is more like a Santonio Holmes type of speed receiver who can get downfield, run a few reverses, and make a big play happen.  The Bears need a guy like Hines Ward (sticking with the Pittsburgh analogy) to pick up first downs.

Now on to the defense.  The defense is the most pathetic aspect of the Bears team.  While they aren’t necessarily as bad as the offense, they have much more talent so more is expected.  Their secondary sucks.  Their defensive line gets no pressure.  Their linebackers (Brian Urlacher in particular) are playing nowhere near what they are getting paid.  They lead the league in take-a-ways, but that is because they only go for the strip so they also lead the league in failed tackles and yards given up after initial contact.   The Bears defense makes every quarterback look like a fucking Hall of Famer for Christ’s sake.  The total combined numbers for quarterbacks in the Bears final 6 loses have been:

156/229      1762 total yards      10 touchdowns

…The Bears defense combined for 3 total sacks in these 6 loses.

Finally, the coaching staff is terrible.  The Bears are one of the most unimaginative teams in football.  There is a quote that goes “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results.”  This sums up what my thoughts are of the Bears coaching motto.  They do the same boring crap over and over again on offense.  Their defense doesn’t blitz or get any pressure on the quarterback.  Their are never any defensive line stunts.  The offense hardly ever runs outside the hashmarks.  There are never any trick plays.  They never throw the ball to wide receivers, only tight ends and running backs.  The coaching staff has turned the Bears into the most uninspired, boring, most predictable teams in the NFL.

To top it all off, the Eagles ended up winning so all the Bears had to do was win their game.  The two underdog teams (Philly and Oakland) pulled out victories (Oakland didn’t even have anything to play for), and the Bears laid a fucking egg.

Word of the week:  Disappointing


Posted in NFL | Tagged: , | Comments Off on Da Bears Bite Da Dust

Bear Down Bitches

Posted by Bob Swerski on September 9, 2008

(Insert Kyle Orton looking stupid picture.)

^The Bears QB Future

With the Cubs on their usual end of the year slide, Chicago has turned their eyes to another winning team, the Chicago Bears?!?! For all those who missed Sunday Night Football, the Bears ran rashaad over the Colts with an impressive win. Lead by Rookie RB Matt Forte and a defense that was able to keep one of the best offensive teams in the league to under 14 points, the Bears appear to be a formidable team this year.

The Bears were able to score on offense and defense, and while the special teams appeared to be somewhat shaky (with a questionable play by Hester trying to run out of the endzone), the direction is up for this Bears team that had relatively low hopes for this season. It’s time for Chicago to Bear Down for another long winter and another football season.

P.S. For all those wondering, I am returning to my fantasy football league this year as Champion, and defeated my brother-in-law Week 1 in dominating fashion. I only expect more of the same from the coming weeks.

Posted in NFL | Tagged: , | Comments Off on Bear Down Bitches

ESPY Awards Review

Posted by Bob Swerski on July 21, 2008

There are very few things which piss me off more than the ESPY awards. This is probably due to the fact that if you have seen 1 ESPY award show then you have seen them all. Let’s review what happened last night (which also happens at every other ESPY show).

1. When giving out the ESPY for Best Female Athlete, the group always has to include some random sport which is either in the Olympics or not in the mainstream (as if any female sport is “mainstream”). This year they decided to nominate a skier, but ultimately the basketball chick won.

2. Will Ferrell has to promote his movie whether or not it has anything to do with sports.

3. There will always be some athlete who is dressed in a $20,000 suit who wins an award and then has to go on a “I thank my Lord Jesus Christ who makes all things possible.” This year it was David Tyree from the Giants who even had the audacity to talk about “bringing about the Kingdom of God.” Dude. You play football. Get over yourself.

4. Toward the end of the show, which probably pisses me off more than any other aspect, is the Jimmy Valvano Award. Each year they go through the whole same story about how great Jimmy V. was (and he was great), and how someone who is a comeback story for everyone. It isn’t necessarily the award which pisses me off more than the douche bags who they show after the award. It is always men and women who are borderline in tears or are in fact weeping like assholes. This year the cake topper was when some woman (it might have been Fergie, but I’ll have to check the tape again) said “wow” as if somehow Kevin Everett’s story was the most touching thing which she has ever witnessed. I have utmost respect for Kevin Everett and his comeback, but come on… seriously?? Wow? It is just a bunch of losers with too much money who go over the top to try and show people they have emotion when in fact, most of them don’t.

5. Similar to number 1, they always try to promote sports which frankly no one gives a shit about (soccer, BMX, lacrosse, hockey, NBA). Then they have to pick the greatest current or former player in said sport to come and try to explain to people why their sport is great even though no one gives a shit. Afterwards everyone feels that said sport is indeed the greatest until next year when some new sport will give the people some fad to buy into. Who knows what crappy sport will be put on the pedestal next year.

The bottom line is that the ESPY awards suck. The worst part is that they try to pawn it off on us the fans: “The winner that the fans voted for is….” AAANNNDDD no one cares. All that I want to see from the ESPYs is hot female athletes dressed in slutty little dresses.

Posted in General Sports | Tagged: | 5 Comments »

Baller’s Official SEC Preview: Kentucky Edition

Posted by Bob Swerski on July 7, 2008

Editor’s Note: Discuss this article NOW over at ACC vs. SEC! – Baller’s AVS Official 2008 SEC Preview: Kentucky Edition

2007 Record- 8-5 (3-5)
Returning Starters- 15 (5-Offense, 8-Defense, K, P)

Players To Watch Out For: Dicky Lyons, Tony Dixon

Key Losses: Andre Woodson, Rafael Little, Keenan Burton, Steve Johnson, Wesley Woodyard

2008 Strengths: Run game on offense should be OK with a veteran OL returning and many decent RBs. Also, the defense should finally be respectable this year after being a joke the past few years.

2008 Weaknesses: QBs have no experience, WRs have no experience. Offensively, its going to be a rough year.

2008 Overview: If Coach Brooks can find a decent QB to replace Woodson, the Cats can have another good year to build upon. But if not, don’t be shocked to see the Cats having just 4 wins again.

Posted in Kentucky Wildcats, NCAA Football | Tagged: | 1 Comment »

People Can’t Count

Posted by Bob Swerski on June 12, 2008

I’m sick of people saying that it has been a century of losing for the Chicago Cubs. Every single sports writer and/or blogger and/or sports fan has talked about the Cubs and referred to it as 100 years of losing. Since the Cubs last won the World Series in 1908, starting there I shall count the years in which the Cubs have lost since then.




I only count 99 numbers there… So it has apparently only been 99 seasons of losing and not 100. Even if you claim that “they haven’t won since 1908,” you would have to count ’08 and you still can’t consider it 100 years until October 10, 2008. You wouldn’t consider the Red Sox as not having won in a year because they are reigning champions. Considering that logic, it only makes sense that the Cubs have this year and next year to win the World Series before it genuinely becomes 100 seasons of losing. At worst they have until the end of this year.

Since they are going to finally win this year, it apparently is a moot point.

Posted in MLB | Tagged: , | 3 Comments »

Benson Needs A Lesson

Posted by Bob Swerski on June 7, 2008

Cedric Benson needs to take a lesson from Lance Briggs about how to avoid getting a DUI. 

In all seriousness, it is time for the Chicago Bears and Cedric Benson to say arrivederci.  In only 2 months now, Benson has been arrested for boating while intoxicated (who knew that was a crime), and driving while intoxicated.  While he didn’t need to be pepper sprayed in this incident, he was thrown into jail and is currently out after visiting Chico’s Bail Bonds.  Benson has denied all charges, much like everyone else in his situation would do (He doesn’t look drunk in the picture above, does he?).  Here is a letter which I am sending Cedric:

Dear Mr. Benson,

You avoid the law like you avoid the opposing defense.  Which might be why you can’t seem to get any yards.  Have fun in prison and say hi to Tank Johnson for me.

Your’s Truly,


P.S.  You suck.

Posted in MLB | Tagged: , | Comments Off on Benson Needs A Lesson

My Cubs Are Better Than (Insert Your Team Here)

Posted by Bob Swerski on June 2, 2008

That’s right folks, my Cubs are on a 7 game win streak (As of noon on Monday, June 2.) and currently sport the best record in Major League Baseball. The last time the Cubs had the best record at the start of June was in 1908, and we all remember what happened that year… The Cubbies won the World Series. Now I’m not predicting a World Series Championship… wait a minute, yes I am. THE CUBS WILL WIN THE WORLD SERIES!!!

P.S. The Cardinals still suck.

P.S.S. Apparently porn stars love the Cubs.

Posted in MLB | Tagged: , | Comments Off on My Cubs Are Better Than (Insert Your Team Here)

What Happens In Atlantic City…

Posted by Bob Swerski on May 22, 2008

Doesn’t stay in Atlantic City.


A few weeks ago I had the privilege of playing in the Ron Jaworski Clebrity Poker Tournament at Harrah’s in Atlantic City. I showed up a few minutes late and was shown to my seat. I looked to my right and was blinded by this large Superbowl ring. I looked up and saw my hero: Iron Mike Ditka. That’s right, I got to play cards and have a conversation with Da Coach.

Later on in the night I had the opportunity to knock out former Bengal and Eagle line backer Bill Bergey. I would now like to go on record by saying that Bill Bergey is one of the nicest people I ever met in my life. I got to meet his wife and talk to his son on the phone, it was truely one of the best moments I’ve had in a long time.

If sitting next to Mike Ditka, beating Bill Bergey, and getting all these football pro’s autographs weren’t enough, I ended up coming in 9th place out of 200+ and making some pretty nice bank. So, feel free to let me know if anyone wants to lose money in poker to me… or go to Atlantic City… maybe we can meet some football players. :)

Posted in General Sports | Tagged: | Comments Off on What Happens In Atlantic City…

It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

Posted by Bob Swerski on May 13, 2008

Spring is such a great season. Baseball starts, hockey and NBA go away, warm temperatures come, and ESPN starts to show college softball. Now, I’m not here to promote women playing sports of any kind, but I am here to promote hot chicks on TV. It is my contention that chicks who play softball are smokin’ hot, specially the ones from Arizona. I shall now give you the visual evidence.

Jenny Finch- played for Arizona

Taryne Mowatt- played for Arizona

For more information feel free to visit the University of Arizona Women’s Softball webpage.

Arizona Wildcats Softball

Posted in General Sports | Tagged: | 7 Comments »

Cubs Go For 10,000

Posted by Bob Swerski on April 23, 2008

The Cubs are going for their 10,000 win today (Wednesday, April 23) against the Colorado Rockies. It is nice to talk about such a historic franchise and NOT talk about a record having to do with losing. There is only 1 other team to reach this historic mark, the New York/San Fran Giants. This begs the question: “How can a team that hasn’t won a championship in 100 years and hasn’t even seen the World Series since the ’40s possibly have more wins than a team like the Yankees who have 25 championships?”

The answer is that I have no idea, but it is pretty amazing.

Posted in MLB | Tagged: , | 23 Comments »

Sooooo… I’m A Dick

Posted by Bob Swerski on April 10, 2008


Question: What do Jeff Bagwell, Adam Morrison, and Jason Isringhausen have in common?

Answer: They have all responded to my heckling with either obscenities or immaturity.

Let me first say that I pride myself on dogging the opposing team in an attempt to help the team I’m rooting for win. With the exception of Caesar Izturis and Ryan Dumpster last year, I tend not to heckler any sports team from Chicago except for the White Sox. In my heckling I try to keep it clean from curse words but get as personal as possible.

Now I shall set the mood. I’m sitting a few rows back on the first base side at Wrigley Field. Jeff Bagwell was the first baseman for the Astros, and wouldn’t toss the game ball to the kids sitting in the stands. This annoyed me for some reason so I started out simply questioning. “Hey Bagwell, why don’t you throw the kids the ball?” Since he wasn’t responding or throwing the kids the ball I figured what the hell, I’ll answer my own question. “Hey Bagwell, What? You need the balls? How bout you send your wife over so she can experience a real man for once.” After that, whenever he would enter or leave the dugout, myself and some of the fans around me would call him “Ball-less Bagwell.” We also referenced his ridiculous batting stance implying that he likes to spread open his rear end for men. He proceeded to give me the finger and eventually hit a home run and pointed at me. Mission somewhat accomplished, but desired effect (him playing poorly) unattained.

A few years after this, my friend got 3rd row Bulls tickets and took me to the game because he wanted to see me in action and didn’t mind getting thrown out of the game. The Bulls played the Charlotte Bobcats, so the scorn was directed at Adam Morrison. I decided against starting it off gentle and attacked full force. I called him a cry baby because of what he did during the final four, I commented on his “dirty sanchez” facial hair and asked if his boyfriend gave him it, I let everything fly. During the half time shoot around he started coming in my direction and another team mate had to hold him back. He sat the entire third quarter (I like to claim it was because his coach saw what happened with me). We had called my friend’s dad at this point and told him to watch because of what transpired between Morrison and I. While his team was shooting free throws, Morrison is on tv making “fat” hand gestures at me and yelling at me. I swear to God, get a video of the first Bulls v. Bobcats game in 2006 and you will see for yourself. The mission this time was accomplished as Adam Morrison went 1-12 shooting and the Bulls won by about 40 points.

Finally, last year I was sitting in the bleachers at Wrigley a few rows back with my brother in-law. We had been drinking and it was a warm summer day when the Cubs were playing the rival Cardinals. This time the object of my scorn was anyone and everyone. The person who responded was Jason Isringhausen. I mentioned about how he blows more saves then his wife blows other men, and things similar to that nature. Isringhausen went nuts. He started yelling at me. eventually calling me a “fat faggot.” Hundreds of people are witnesses to this bigoted language. At this point the Manager, Tony LaRussa, ran out of the dugout and sent Isringhausen to the other side of the field to move him away from me. Mission once again accomplished as the Cubbies went on to win the game.

The reason I’m telling you these stories? This Saturday I possess 2 tickets to the Phillies v. Cubs game here in the grotesque city of brotherly hatred. These tickets are row 1 directly behind left fielder Pat Burrell. I hope to have a story about what transpires from the game on Sunday or Monday. If anyone has any knowledge of something Burrell has done, please post it as a comment so I can make sure he hears about it Saturday evening as my Cubbies beat up on the Phils. I leave you with a Bud Light commercial which they wrote about me (not really but it damn well could have been).

Posted in General Sports | Tagged: | 11 Comments »

Let The Misery Begin

Posted by Bob Swerski on March 31, 2008


Another season of Cubs baseball begins today (March 31), and maybe this year the Cubs will end their century long drought and finally win a Championship.  Here’s to hoping.

Prediction: 89 wins and a Central Division Championship.  End up losing to Mets in the NLCS in 5 games.

Posted in MLB | Tagged: , | Comments Off on Let The Misery Begin

Houston’s Streak Ends At 22

Posted by Bob Swerski on March 19, 2008

After asking Mutombo if the Rockets will win it all…


^”no no no no no no no…”

There has been a lot of talk recently about Houston’s hot streak which ended Tuesday night in embarrassing fashion to the Celtic’s.  After losing by 20 points to end the second longest win streak in NBA history I am left with only 1 question… Who cares?  So what if they won 22 games in a row, it wont mean anything when they lose in the first round of the playoffs like they do every year they make it.  I am reminded of only a few months ago when all the talk was about the Patriots amazing streak and how they were unbeatable, and I’m sure if Tiger was playing at the time they all would have tried to compare it to that.  Well, we all know how that story ended and do you hear anyone talking about the amazing Patriot’s streak of 18 in a row?

My point?  That if the Rockets don’t win the big games and end up as champions, then this streak goes down as absolutely meaningless.  If anything it proves that the Rockets, and specifically Tracy McGrady, can’t win in the playoffs.  A few months from now when Houston loses in the first round (because they wont get the bye), everyone can talk about how right I was and how the Rockets aren’t really that good of a basketball team.  The most troubling thing is that Houston point guard Rafer Alston said “Our names will be mentioned there with Hall of Fame people.”  How jaded can you be?  1.  I’ve never even heard of Rafer Alston, and 2.  A lot of people who come in second place for a streak and then fail to win any kind of championship are in the same discussion as Hall of Famers… oh wait, that MAKES NO SENSE.  This streak will only be remembered when the next brilliant team makes a huge streak, and you know what they will say?  “This streak is comparable to the 2008 Houston Rockets, only unlike that team, this one will probably win the NBA Championship.

Houston Sucks.

Posted in General Sports | Tagged: , | 3 Comments »

Rex Grossman Sucks – Part 3

Posted by Bob Swerski on February 27, 2008


rex-grossman.jpg rex-grossman-stinks.jpg 020507_grossfumble_t600.jpg

sports090a.jpg 2004021997.jpg bears_fumble.jpg smhchargers277150x0022_thumb.jpg

This is starting to become a popular theme for a lot of my posts. The theme being that Rex Grossman is a terrible quarterback whowill be unable to lead a veteran team to a Superbowl ring. I know this because, after sitting on the sidelines with injuries his first few years, he entered 2006 with high hopes of being a superstar on the field and after 5 great games to start off the season he tanked at EPIC proportions. Then last season he was benched for Brian Griese and eventually Kyle Orton after being injured upon his return.

His contract was up after the season and I, like everyone else in Bears Nation, expected our Monsters of the Midway to severe ties with this horrific football display and pick up a new QB anyway possible. I personally wanted the team to take the “Vince Papali” approach and hold open tryouts to everyone in Chicago. I’m sure in a city that large there had to be a any number of people who can do better then a 0 and a 1.3 QB rating. I mean even the punter had a better QB rating in one game after throwing an incomplete pass. Apparently 0 for 1 nets you around a 30 QB rating.

Getting to my point, I was happy to be rid of this “player” once and for all when the most bizarre thing in the history of the Bears organization occurred: They actually resigned him.

I have to repeat that to myself several times a day as I can hardly believe it. I’ve heard of some questionable moves, but this one takes the cake for making completely no sense at all. Jerry Angelo is a good GM, but if he thinks that Bears fans, particularly this one, is going to put up with this he is sadly mistaken.

Posted in NFL | Tagged: , | 10 Comments »

Remembering Harry Caray

Posted by Bob Swerski on February 20, 2008


It was 10 years ago, Feb 18, 1998 that the beloved Cubs’ announcer Harry Caray passed away due to brain damage following cardiac arrest. Many people around the league and Cub fans especially have their favorite Harry Caray moment. Whether it be Will Farrel playing him on Saturday Night Live, The Budweiser and Bud Light commercials, or the seventh inning stretch, there are certain things which will forever remind us of the man with those big glasses. To some Harry Caray might have been a big joke or an embarrassment, but being a kid at the time; to me Harry was a hero. A recognizable voice coming out of the radio to broadcast the lovable losers on warm summer days. His stories, his enthusiasm, and his love of baseball is the reason I still watch baseball and the Cubs. With a hot dog and an ice cold Budweiser, I say this proudly “Holy Cow! Cubs win! Cubs win!”

Posted in MLB | Tagged: , | 4 Comments »

TNB Exclusive: Pictures Found Linking Jeter With Clemens

Posted by Bob Swerski on February 9, 2008


Above is snap shot taken of other snap shots given by Brian McNamee on Capital Hill today as evidence.  Below is an exclusive shot of Clemens ACTUALLY shooting a needle of steroids into Derek Jeter during their passionate pre-game sex romp.  I swear to you that the photo is completely unaltered.  The needle “appears” to be cheaply added in without the use of photoshop; however, the needle was only enlarged and given a white background to show detail.  I will stake my journalistic credibility on the authenticity of the photo.


P.S.  The photo at the top is actually genuine, however there lacks any evidence directly  linking the beer cans, needles, and blood stained gauze to Clemens.  However, the fact that Clemens was born in Dayton, OH (which is known for its drug use) can not and should not be overlooked.

Posted in MLB | Tagged: | 5 Comments »

Hometown Hero: Ryne Sandberg

Posted by Bob Swerski on February 5, 2008


In the days of baseball cheating, scandals, and cutting corners, no one has provided more class to the game then former Cubs second baseman Ryne Sandberg. For those of you who don’t know, a Hall of Famer, Ryno has complied some of the best numbers ever seen at second base. To go along with his 10 consecutive All Star appearances and his 9 consecutive Gold Gloves, Ryno has posted a MLB 2nd baseman record .989 lifetime fielding percentage.

It is more then just numbers for Ryno, which are amazing, but about the man he was and the Cubs legend which he became. Sandberg drew national attention on June 23, 1984 in what would become known as the “Sandberg Game.” During the nationally telecast game, the Cubs were down 8-9 in the bottom of the ninth to their rival St. Louis Cardinals. The premier closer was on the mound, HOF Bruce Sutter who saved 45 different games in 1984, but this was of little relevance when Ryno belted a solo shot into the left field bleachers to tie the game and send it into extra innings. Then in the 10th, the Cardinals scored 2 more runs and it looked all but over for the loveable losers. However, in the tenth lightning struck twice as Ryno belted a 2 run homer deeper into the left field bleachers to tie the game again. The Cubs would go on to win it in the 11th and Ryno would go on to be loved by Cubs’ fans forever.

Ryno was simply the greatest offensive and defensive second basemen ever to grace the hallowed grounds of Wrigley Field. He did it without taking steroids and cutting corners. He did it with class, hard-work, and with respect. Young kids should listen to Ryno’s HOF induction speech and take these words to heart, “Make a great play, act like you’ve done it before, get a big hit, look for the third base coach and get ready to run the bases, hit a home run, put your head down, drop the bat, run around the bases, because the name on the front is a lot more important than the name on the back. That’s respect.”

Posted in MLB | Tagged: , | 4 Comments »

Gooooo Dayton Flyers

Posted by Bob Swerski on January 4, 2008


For those of you who don’t know I attended The University of Dayton with the one and only Charlie Hustle.  If you haven’t been watching college basketball this year, the University of Dayton men’s basketball team currently sits at 20 on the AP poll after beating both a ranked Louisville and Pitt teams to amass a brilliant 12-1 record.  They have a challenge awaiting them next week as they take on the University of Rhode Island which is number 1 in their division at 14-1.  Admittedly, I don’t really keep up with Dayton basketball very much, but I’m happy to see our boys doing well.

Posted in NCAA Basketball | Tagged: | Comments Off on Gooooo Dayton Flyers

Let The Bears Quarterback Carousel Continue

Posted by Bob Swerski on December 14, 2007


I have awakened from my drunken slumber and have made my return to TNB. This weekend we will see the return of KYLE ORTON, a quarterback who has complied a nice record by simply taking the snap and not really beating himself, allowing the Bears defense and special teams to win games. Let us review the troubled history of the Bears QB Carousel, starting with 1983… the year I was born.

Jim McMahon: Probably the second best quarterback ever to suit up in a Bears uniform after Sid Luckman. The Punky QB was somewhat injury prone but did lead the Bears to the promised land in 1985. McMahon is the only Bears quarterback to be selected to the Pro Bowl in recent memory, which says a lot about the people to come after him. DRAFTED:1982 (Round 1). STARTED: 1982-1988. TRADED: 1989

Steve Fuller: Picked up by the Bears from the L.A. Rams to sub in for the often injured McMahon.  He was a decent back up behind McMahon, but then again with Walter Payton at running back I could be a decent back up. PICKED UP:1984. STARTED: 1984-1986. RELEASED: 1987.

Rusty Lisch: Sucked big time. He started only 1 game against the Packers and was so terrible that Ditka had to sign Greg Landry from the retirement home to play the final game of the season. SIGNED: 1984. STARTED: 1984. RELEASED:1985

Greg Landry: Threw 3 picks in his 1 game as a Bear, but he won, beating the Lions to finish off the season. SIGNED: 1984. STARTED: 1984. RETIRED: 1984.

Mike Tomczak: Many of TNB fans might remember this choad who came out of OSU. He was signed as an undrafted free agent and played mostly back up behind a slew of different quarterbacks. He is best known for warming up Jim Harbaugh’s nutsack before Jim took the field. SIGNED: 1985. STARTED: 1986-1990. PUT TO TRASH BIN: 1991.

Doug Flutie: Apparently he didn’t eat his Flutie flakes before playing for the Bears. Ditka started him 1 game against the Washington Redskins… which he lost. It is good to know that his final play in the NFL was when he drop-kicked an extra point. What a loser. TRADED FOR: 1986. STARTED: 1986. TRADED: 1987.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in NFL | Tagged: , | 3 Comments »

72 First Quarter Points (Not A Typo)

Posted by Bob Swerski on November 2, 2007

What do you say to your team when you are winning 72-0 with 30 seconds left in the FIRST quarter of a football game? How about telling your players to fall down at the 5 yard line so they can set up the FG? How about that they are not going to pass?

All of which was said and done.

The Redmen from rural Kansas were playing in the high school state playoffs against Plainefield High School. They were 2-3 in the air with a touchdown pass, and they kicked a field goal 1st and goal from the 5. In the first quarter they had recovered 6 turnover (1 interception for a touchdown and 5 fumble recoveries). They only ran 15 plays in the quarter – which meant that they scored touchdowns on almost half the plays they ran – and converted all 9 of the 2 point attempts. They took out their offensive starters half way through the first quarter and their defensive starters at the end of the first half. This led to people questioning whether or not the starters were actually getting enough playing time to prepare for next weeks game. I kid you not, people actually asked the coach that question.

This might sound improbable, but their whole season is improbable. The Smith Center Redmen have yet to punt all year, they have yet to allow a touchdown all year, and their average margin of victory is 71-0 – which makes their total season score 640-0. If that wasn’t enough the school is currently on a 50 game win streak, which means they haven’t lost in something like 8 years.

My point? I don’t really have one. Maybe they should get stiffer competition? Who knows, because any team that can put up 72 points on another in 1 quarter shouldn’t be playing each other.

Posted in General Sports | Tagged: , | Comments Off on 72 First Quarter Points (Not A Typo)

Reds’ Fans, Prepare For Three Years Of Hell

Posted by Bob Swerski on October 15, 2007


^”If you wanna crown ’em then crown their asses!”

The Cincinnati Reds signed manager Dusty Baker to a three year deal this weekend, which will extend their history of pathetic managers to 1 trillion.  Dusty Baker almost single handedly ran the Cubs organization into the ground by overusing players, and over pitching young pitchers, which would lead them to career threatening and life altering injuries.  This coupled with one of the worst managing ordeals in post season history makes me wonder: “Why take Dusty Baker out of the T.V. booth and back into a dugout?”

Mark my words, young Reds pitchers such as Homer Bailey will have arm and shoulder problems their entire career directly due to overuse from Dusty Baker.  I just don’t see this acquisition helping a young team like the Reds at all.  Dusty will only be an overpaid, overhyped manager which will end up being ran out of town by Reds fans all over Southern Ohio. 

I got some advice for you: “Save your money and go get someone who will end the Reds’ draught and not continue this plight…”

Posted in Cincinnati Reds, MLB | Tagged: | 3 Comments »

The Cubs Fail To Execute: Drop Game 1

Posted by Bob Swerski on October 4, 2007


Well it is playoff baseball in Chicago, and the Cubs are back to their old ways of failing to execute and, in turn, losing a close ball game to the Arizona D-Bags. I was listening to 670 The Score and WGN 720 (two talk radio stations in Chicago) and was getting very frustrated by people calling in and complaining about Lou Piniella and Carlos Marmol.

Now you can’t point the finger at both of these people. There was no reason for Lou to take out Carlos Zambrano at the end of the 6th with only 85 pitches thrown. He was rolling over the D-Bags and that likely could have continued; but Marmol had a bad game giving up 2 runs in the 7th. I have a feeling that if Marmol played like he did all season, no one would have questioned Lou’s call.

However, it is the small things where the Cubs didn’t execute which lost us the game. It is getting back-to-back leadoff doubles by your 8 and 9 spot hitters and not having the pitcher or the lead off man bunt the runner over to third. I don’t care if the last time up the pitcher got a double, or if Soriano is a power hitter, wth no outs and a man on second you have to move that runner to third; especially when you are down by a run and your pitcher is at the plate. It seems almost ridiculous that you even let Carlos Zambrano swing away in that situation. Then it was twice where Ramirez and D-Lee decided to swing at 2 of the worst pitches of the night to strike out and both balls got by the catcher. Instead of hustling and running down to first and probably getting on base, they throw a hissy fit at themselves at the plate and then have no chance of making it.

Oh, and by the way, your top 3 hitters (Soriano, Lee, and Ramirez) can’t go a combined 1-13 either. Lets try to execute in tonight’s game because it is a must win.

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New Offensive Strategy: Bears Edition

Posted by Bob Swerski on October 2, 2007


This is a new idea which I feel could actually help the Bears offense a great deal… I’ll call it the Faux Punt.  We simply line Devin Hester 20 yards behind the line of scrimmage, hike the ball to Griese, and then have him lob it back to D.H .as if it were a punt or kick return.  I have a feeling that it would be alot more productive over our current offense which is called the interception-punt (throwing the ball downfield to the other team instead of to our team which in a way acts as a short punt). 

In all seriousness, why do teams even bother kicking the ball to Devin Hester?  It has been shown that you have a better chance to score with our offense on the field than we do, so why not just give it to us on the 40 and wait for our offense to throw you a touchdown pass. 

Take our most recent loss to the Lions.  Our offense had a total 303 yards, which was our highest production of the season.  Devin Hester had around 314 return yards and a touchdown (this could have been higher but the Lions made 2 shoe-string leg tackles which prevented Hester from putting a few more points on the board).  In Week 2 against the Chiefs after shooing away a few pigeons, Hester ran it back 73 yards untouched for the score.  The fact is that Bears fans get excited whenever he is on the field because there is a definite possibility of him running it back for a touchdown.  Never have I ever experienced sitting on the edge of my seat for every punt and kickoff return, while going to get beer and nacho refills while our offense is on the field.

I show this video for several reasons:  1.  It has my favorite announcer Jeff Joniak calling all the returns from last season.  2.  You can see that Devin Hester does it all whether it be breaking tackles like in the Minnesota game, great cuts like in the Arizona game, and pure speed like both the ones in St. Louis.  And 3.  After the first one the Bears announcers were somewhat surprised, but by the last couple you have the other announcer giggling in the background while Joniak before the ball is even snapped questions why you would kick to him.

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It’s 2003 All Over Again And I Can’t F*cking Watch

Posted by Bob Swerski on September 26, 2007


Playoffs and Marlins and Bartman, oh my! The Chicago Cubs are back in the playoff race, ahead of the Brewers by 2 going into tonight tonight as the Cubs lost and the Brewers won big, and I can’t take this anymore. Of all the teams in all the leagues, why do we have to play the Marlins? The same team that, in 2003, ended up nudging out my beloved Cubs who were only 5 outs away from the World Series. The memories (or lack their of because I got pretty f*cking wasted after the game to try to block it all out) are too much for Cub fans to bear.

Aisle 4, Row 8, Seat 114: The seat down the third baseline that changed the history of Cubs baseball like the previous 90 odd years that the boys in blue didn’t win. Then it was a botched double play ball by Alex Gonzalez (who had one of the best feilding percentages in the league).  Then it turned into an eight-run 8th inning and the Cubs lost 8-3. No fear though because our hero Wood was pitching the next day at home, and Wood and Prior had not lost back to back home games all year. They might have stolen game 6, but we had game 7.

The rest, as they say, is history:


On a related note: If the Cubs don’t make the playoffs and the Reds are the team that spoils that for us, I may not be able to write for this weblog anymore.

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Rex Grossman Sucks – Part 2

Posted by Bob Swerski on September 24, 2007


Rex Grossman’s passer rating in first 3 games: 45.2

Robbie Gould’s passer rating in first 3 games: 39.6

Thats right, after Robbie Gould went 0-1 last night in a fake field goal attempt, his passer rating is almost equal to Rex Grossman’s who is rocking it with 6 interceptions and only 1 touchdown pass (on a trick tackle eligible play from the 1 yard line). 

I can already hear the excuses coming in today’s media about how last night the Bears didn’t play well anywhere (which is true), and about all the dropped balls (which is also true),  but Rex Grossman doesn’t give the Bears a chance to win ball games which is the major problem. 

Not yet convinced?  Well how about the fact that Rex has thrown the same amount of touchdown passes to the opposing teams as he had to his own team.  Or maybe it is that he only has 500 yards throwing the ball to our team and he has 100 yards throwing the ball to the other team.  He has thrown 6 interceptions and only 1 touchdown. 

People who have completed more or equal to Rex Grossman’s touchdowns who aren’t starting quarterbacks: Kyle Boller, Kurt Warner, J.T. O’Sullivan, Kellen Clemens.  You probably have never even heard of the last 2, ’cause I sure as shit haven’t.

It’s time for Rex’s “gunslinger” approach to be benched in favor of Griese’s “I promise not to turn the ball over as much as Rex” approach.  I can pinpoint the exact moment when I knew it was time to replace Rex.  It was New Year’s Eve of last year and the Bears dropped a meaning less game to the Packers (if any game against the Packer’s is meaningless).  After the game he said, “Ya’, I felt like I was goin’ to play for a half, it was the last game, IT WAS NEW YEAR’S EVE.  There are so many other factors so I didn’t really concentrate.”  It is unbelieveable that a starting quarterback would feel that way let alone admit it to the media.  Enough with the excuses, enough with the turnovers, enough with Rex Grossman.

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