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UK-VMI- The View From Section 217

Posted by Agent Z-Ro on November 18, 2008

Whether you have heard about it, saw it, or lived through it, Friday night’s loss to VMI was definitely a turd brown stain on the checked blue and white Kentucky jersey. I’m not going to wax poetic about the intricacies of coaching college basketball, because I am not an expert on the subject, nor am I going to lament about the final score. There are many other sports blogs that will ponder over that for this week and I want to be original, so this is all about the things that did not translate to TV. My friend obtained 2 tickets for the game and we went along, talking about SEC sports of all types. These are just random observations in no particular order of importance:

– Downtown Lexington will always be one of the greatest areas in all of college basketball to be at before a game. The waves of blue clad people are endless and always expanding as you walk along.

-Point of discussion and my opinion on it: There is no way that the SEC could ever serve alcohol at games. People get crazy enough at them already. Did you see a Bama fan killed two LSU fans? And that wasn’t even at a game. AND they had won!

– Going in as alumni rather than students is clearly better. You get to walk into a nice, decorated lobby and feel the heaters. Student entrance looks and feels more like prisoner transfer.

– I don’t care how many times I’ve done it, as soon as I turn a corner and see Rupp arena, it takes my breath away. The place is a goddamn cathedral of basketball.

– Patrick Patterson is a spectacle to see. You can read all the hype in the papers and internet but seeing that guy in person is impressive. He is jacked,and he is huge. With the ultra tight jersey, clown parachute pants, and the ‘fro, he looks like he just stepped out of Thunderdome. He should have a bandanna and ultimate warrior arm bands. We should work on a nickname with that.

– Pre-game warmups filled me with apprehension about this game. VMI was energetic, precise, and most importantly, relaxed. They looked ready, and that was my first tip-off of the coming storm.

– After the first couple three’s dropped in without so much as a clank of the rim, no one has really reacted, just sitting back and analyzing play. UK fans are interesting in this respect; they are rabid, undoubtedly, but only because they have researched the line-up like panty lines in a Victoria’s Secret catalog. We know the in and outs of the players, and a redneck behind me lets me know how “them boys looked in open practices”. It’s creepy how a 43 year old man is completely comfortable sharing his intimate knowledge of 15 18-23 year old men.

– More three’s are falling. It’s so quiet the shoe squeaks echo.

– Something I learned from the game: Man press will make you shit your pants, if I can glean anything from our guard play.

-Kentucky is now losing big. I can really appreciate VMI’s coach for playing the time-out game well. Anytime the crowd really started getting into it there would be a quick time out. Sometimes the Mo’ carried through but it was a good way to protect his players. The guy is out of control, acting out (rather emphatically) what he wanted his players to do, but he is controlled and aware at all times. It’s like he almost brings a military-like precision to the game. Hmm…

– Post about Patterson again: Seeing him beside the 4 guys on the court under 6’3″ makes him look even more like a giant. Unfortunately, it is a giant that has to guard a shooting forward. He is fast for a big guy, but he isn’t fast for a small guy. He’s been game-planned and the low post double teams are rendering him useless.

-I swear to God the Cats are stoned. Anytime we score a basket, we run down the court and start talking or looking off somewhere, while an Army-trained basketball player stabs the knife of the three into the kidneys of our scoreboard.

-I black out. I have terrible nightmares about turnover-laden basketball and being outrebounded by midgets in camoflage. I wake up several hours later in my bed screaming but Auntie Em and Uncle Henry are there to assure me it was just a dream with a cup of cocoa and a pre-warmed crack pipe. Then I have to build a go-cart with a ocelot. I realize I’m still dreaming and wake up just in time to see the final score.

If someone could let me know what happened that would be great, I missed the second half.

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5 Responses to “UK-VMI- The View From Section 217”

  1. MJ said

    Laugh-out-loud moments:

    “Student entrance looks and feels more like prisoner transfer.” — So very, very true.

    “…because they have researched the line-upo like panty lines in a Victoria’s Secret catalog.” — Also very true and slightly more sad…

    “…while an Army-trained basketball player stabs the knife of the three into the kidneys of our scoreboard.” — Well. Played.

    Nicely done, Z. Kudos.

  2. Brillance again ZRO. You should read my column, “Three Days In The M-Town.”

  3. Cel said

    I know that when I was in high school full court man press made me want to shit my pants.

    Gag.

  4. ZRO said

    I shall Doc, but after 15 strenuous minutes of searching, I couldn’t find it. Link plz?

  5. ZRO said

    nevermind Doc, read it, loved it. Liberty Bowl bound Wildcats would mean a visit from ZRO and M, even if it means M will be tied up in the trunk

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