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Jared Lorenzen Has A Son?

Posted by Matt on November 11, 2008


I normally don’t post on things making rounds through the blogosphere (Ed. Note: with the exception of Allison Stokke) because by the time I find something, too many bloggers have already had something to say and probably said it better/funnier than I can.

That being said, I just couldn’t pass on this one.

Coming to us via Varsity 845 is the story of Ellenville (NY) Central High School senior quarterback Tony Casamento, who tips the scales at 305 pounds. Yes, their quarterback weighs as much as a college lineman.

Now I am not going to go on record making fun of this fatass because I think he has some sort of glandular problem or something; I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention.

What I will point out is the striking resemblance young Tony has to former University of Kentucky quarterback Jared Lorenzen, who also topped out at well over 300 pounds during his food-destructing prime.


The inevitable comparisons have conjured up memories of Kentucky football seasons gone by, recalling such endearing Lorenzen nicknames as “The Hefty Lefty,” “Pillsbury Throwboy,” “The Round Mound Of Touchdown,” and “U.S.S. Lorenzen.”

Ah, those were the good ol’ days.

So to Casamento I say: If nobody else accepts you as a transpositioned quarterback (I know its tough feeling like one person stuck in the body of another), know that you have a home being a fat quarterback in Lexington.

We’ll even save the #22 jersey for you.


2 Responses to “Jared Lorenzen Has A Son?”

  1. Maury Povich Show!!!!

  2. Condo said

    This is awesome… any 300+ pound person who can play quarterback in an organized situation (HS/College/Pro) gets kudos from me, because that’s not easy to do.

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