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Ol’ One Nut Is Back

Posted by Matt on September 8, 2008

Not content sitting at home with his lone ball, resident bad ass Lance Armstrong will reportedly resurrect his cycling career from retirement to run the Tour de Freedom again in 2009. Armstrong, who won an unprecedented 7 straight Tours, has spent the last three years having sex with such hotties as Sheryl Crow and Kate Hudson, not to mention being linked to the Bob Saget-approved Ashley Olsen (your guess is as good as mine).

Lance turns 37 this year and will also allegedly ride in four additional road races that nobody will watch all while publishing blood test results to prove that he’s the last man on the circuit not doping before, during, and after the Tour.

Suck it you Frenchie freedom haters, your worst enemy is back and even with only a single testicle he’s twice the man any of you are. I don’t know about any of my loyal fans, but I — for one — am still validating my daily life with a yellow ‘LIVESTRONG’ bracelet and if you’re not, well, it is clear that you hate America.

Linkage: FOX Sports


One Response to “Ol’ One Nut Is Back”

  1. Jimbo said

    Dude, you’re such a douche.

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