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Hottie’s Presence Can’t Make You A Better Shooter

Posted by Ryne E. Hancock on December 11, 2007

Doc’s Note: This is the latest in a series of columns on sports at Crichton. These columns will appear regularly until the end of the school year.

Prior to Saturday’s game against Harris-Stowe at home, I was out on the court shooting baskets with the basketball team and, with a little help from one of TNB’s biggest fans, managed to hit four shots in a row from the arc.

“It’s getting better,” Coach Ryans said of my shooting stroke, which at the beginning of my tenure as manager looked worse than former Arkansas standout Ronnie Brewer’s jumper.

But the difference between Saturday and what would later happen on Monday afternoon in the confines of Crichton’s gym is the fact that there was not a hottie distracting me while I was trying to find my inner Reggie Miller.

With things being quiet on the front for the basketball team, who have won five of their last six games and off until next Tuesday when they head to St. Louis to face the same Harris-Stowe squad they beat last Saturday, I challenged Student Government president Brandon Privett to a game of one-on-one.

“We’re going to 5,” he said to me.

Forgetting the fact that Privett stands 6’11 and I stand 6’2, I figured that I could take on “Big B” without any problems and do the same thing that former Grizzly Earl Watson did to Shawn Bradley back in the 2001-02 season and maybe do some light gloating the next day at school.

But there was one problem.

The hottie that I did a story on back in November, who slightly favors one of TNB’s favorite golfers Paula Creamer, was in the gym and was trying everything in her power, from what I was gathering, to distract me from making at least one shot from the arc and a few easy layups that a dog could probably make.

“We thought you didn’t miss,” my friends Todd and Kyle said to me, referring to a statement I made a few weeks ago in the very same gym.

As this was all taking place, I could sense what Coach Walker’s reaction would be if he saw this tragic shooting display.

“Now Ryne,” he would say, “what happened to your shot?”

“I have no idea, sir,” I would probably say, “it was the grace and assist from your daughter that led me to hit four in a row prior to the game on Saturday afternoon.”

To make matters worse in the game against Privett was the fact that I was becoming befuddled in my day job’s duties, prompting me to become about as befuddled as Mayor Herenton when he makes his dumb-assed comments on television.

“Focus,” said guard and fellow Whitehaven graduate Dontaye Hinton.

“Well,” I said, “if you had to play against a bootleg Shawn Bradley while being in the presence of a ridiculously hot girl that could strike you out with three pitches, wouldn’t your brain be out of sync?”

While “Big B” was doing his best Dirk Nowitizki impersonation on me and I was focusing on impressing a hottie, I thought about what happened with a hottie named Adrice Harvey.

Back in 2004, when I covered sports for the weekly North Shelby Times, I remembered being distracted by her during a horrible rainstorm while I was shooting baskets as she cut flips in the gym.

To this day, I wonder if she would still distract me from shooting beyond the arc.

Probably.

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