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The Almost-Blockbuster Trade Demand On Highland Street

Posted by Ryne E. Hancock on November 2, 2007

Doc’s Note: This is the latest in a series of columns on sports at Crichton. These columns will appear regularly until the end of the school year.

Throughout the history of sports, trade demands by your favorite athletes have been about as common as those blown opportunities by a certain columnist as he tried to talk to a random hottie who caught his attention, one who will remain nameless for legal purposes.

Whether it was Steve Francis’ decision to not play for the then-Vancouver Grizzlies because he would be far from his native Maryland, Ken Griffey’s decision to ditch Seattle for his native Cincinnati, or Eli Manning’s refusal to play in San Diego after being selected #1 overall in the 2004 NFL Draft – a refusal that resulted in a draft-day trade to the New York Giants for Philip Rivers – the sports world has seen its share of prima donnas who would rather take a bullet to the head than play for a second-class franchise.

But never before in the world of intramurals, where our friend Dan Hawkins at Colorado told anyone who didn’t want to sweat hard in practice to go play, did a person demand a trade from a flag football team on the account of the fact that instead of playing with a couple of hotties he would have to play with someone who is almost as annoying as Peppermint Patty from the old “Peanuts” comic strips.

On Monday night, on the campus of Crichton College, the CFL (Crichton Football League) held its first-ever draft for the upcoming football season which begins on Saturday morning at Monroe Rugby Field on South Hollywood in the shadow of Liberty Bowl Memorial Stadium.

Despite the fact that the draft was held on a Monday, and a small percentage of the people were more interested in the Packers-Broncos showdown than seeing what team they were going to be playing on, the excitement in the student center concerning the new flag football league was still in the air.

Shawn Beloate, who is playing dual roles as team captain and commissioner of the brand-new league, took all of the surveys that were submitted early in the semester and randomly placed them on eight teams.

And since I signed up to play quarterback (I was a former  quarterback in youth football), I was anxious to see what kind of receivers, as well as team, I would be working with.

“You’re on Michael Tarrant’s team,” Shawn said to me as he held up a list of people on Michael Tarrant’s team.

“Okay,” I said,”Who else is on there with me?”

“Michael Tarrant, Jordan Buggs, Courtney Andrews, Tiffani Hicks……

“There has to be a mistake somewhere in this,” I said, “Are you reading the right list?”

“Yes,” he said.

After trying to pull the Manning card and demand a trade to someone else’s team, preferrably with a girl who was less annoying than the aforementioned person in the conversation I had, Shawn had this to say to me.

“You’re going to do fine,” he said, “It’s more to life than winning.”

But the first moment I begin to play like Rex Grossman on the flag football field, then I have to hear that annoying voice ring in my ears.

And then begin what could be the first-ever QB controversy ever in flag football.


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