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Bengals News And Notes

Posted by Charlie Hustle on October 24, 2007

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— Trade rumors surfaced last weekend involving Chad Johnson. The source remains anonymous. Resident Bengals scumbag Geoff Hobson wrote in his weekly e-mail bag that he believed the rumor could have been started by Johnson’s agent, Drew Rosenhaus.

The real culprit behind the rumors? The fat boy pictured above, Defensive Coordinator Chuck Bresnahan. Now I’m not Gil Grissom from CSI, but who would profit the most from Chad Johnson trade distractions? Why the worse defensive coordinator in the league! One’s imagination wouldn’t have to stray far to imagine Chuck making the phone call to Chris Mortensen with the same poise as the guy in Jurassic Park that got eaten by the T-Rex with his pants down on the toilet.

— Speaking of Geoff Hobson, columnist and probable World of Warcraft expert, his sentiments on the Bengals running game this past weekend were breathtaking…
“The return of the running game was as glorious as the sun cutting through the fog of a Smokies morning.”

Was he talking about football or a commercial for Johnsonville sausages? You be the judge. Danny Tanner just called and said that was cheesy.

— Speaking of sausages, Willie Anderson is out this week with a bad foot. Not only is Willie the president of numerous Fat Burger chains, but he’s also a client! Please contain your shock…

Needless to say this means more time for Scott “False Start” Kooistra. If there were a bet on how many times Troy Polamalu will run by Kooistra untouched this Sunday the over/under would be +/- 75. I hope Carson Palmer got in on the same $30 million dollar insurance policy that Tony Romo got for career-ending injuries.

— Lastly, if we lose this week to the Steelers I will no longer be cheering for the Bengals this season, but in fact cheering for them to lose every game from now on so they can draft DT Glenn Dorsey next summer. This isn’t something I want to do. But since management is simply incapable of signing free agents or developing non-drug addicted talent, this is the only hope for the Bengals to ever have a chance at winning anything. Ever.

Good luck and God bless,

Charlie Hustle

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