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Please Curb Stomp Geoff Hobson

Posted by Charlie Hustle on September 21, 2007


Resident Bengals apologist Geoff Hobson from fameactual person seen above (don’t believe his photo appearing on the website), has finally pissed me off enough to write a column about his ridiculous proclamations about our beloved Bengals. I will break down previous articles at a later time so I’ll stick with the current one for now. George Strait and Kentucky bourbon prevent lots of research at this point.

Here’s the way Hobson works…. 

1) He confuses the reader. This is a portion of a reader’s e-mail this week….

With the lackluster defensive performance this past week, how long do you think that the leash on defensive coordinator Chuck Bresnahan is?”

Response? “If Lewis does it now, why didn’t he just do it in the offseason?”

– Answering a question with a question, very tricky Hobson. There’s no answer whatsoever in that question either. But it gets better…

Continuing… “In this game, it’s never one answer. It’s A, B, C, D, All Of The Above. But given the startling gap in its performance, the Defense Question isn’t multiple choice but a brain teaser. “

– Stephen f*cking Hawking couldn’t come up with the algorithim to make any sense of this. This guy actually gets paid for this job?

2) Hobson then will change the focus of the blame…

“Under Bresnahan, these are basically the same coaches and players that shut out Cleveland six games ago.”

– Yeah Geoff, we shut out the 4-12 Cleveland Clowns last year. Devastating.

Then Hobson gets really tricky….

“Under Bresnahan, these are basically the same coaches and players that held New Orleans’ explosive NFC Championship offense on the road to 16 points eight games ago.”

– True, Naw’lins had 16 points in this game. In the epic defensive performance by the Bengals they only gave up 510 PASSING YARDS! Only the four ridiculous turnovers perpetrated by the Saints prevented them from putting up 50 points. Not fooling me Hobson… get off the World of Warcraft ’cause you gotta bring it better than that….

3) Hobson performs an eye-gouge/crotch chop to Bengals fans by comparing mediocre Bengals players to All-Pro players on other teams….

” ‘Would the thing to do have been to let Justin Smith go and get a (Adalius) Thomas? Maybe. Would getting (Warren) Sapp three years ago have freed up the linebackers to run forever? Maybe.’

Answer: ‘But what we do know is they hope that defensive end Robert Geathers, middle linebacker Ahmad Brooks, and cornerback Johnathan Joseph are developing into those types of top-tier players.’ “

– So basically you are saying Hobson, that it would have been nice to get pro-bowl defensive players BUT we do have developing top-tier defenders that just gave up 51 points to the f*cking Cleveland Clowns. 

– Thanks Hobson, but go sell crazy somewhere else….

4) And now… Hobson drops the Macho Man Elbow Drop from the top ropes….

” ‘For example, that last wide-open touchdowns to Braylon Edwards came against a safety blitz from Dexter Jackson. The problem is, “Big Dawg” in the “Dawg Pound” was closer to Edwards than any Bengals defensive back.’

Answer: ‘Trailing, 41-38, early in the fourth quarter and your offense scoring at will, and you blitz on first down?

Good call, no question.

But the coverage?

Not so good.

So who do you blame?’ ”

– This is so mind-numbing its hard to figure it out, but I’ll do my best…

a. Apparently it was a bad play by the Bengals defensive backs…. the same ones that were shutting down amazing offenses last year…

b. Apparently it’s 41-38 and you’re down and just given up a 66-yard run up the middle, but Hobson believes that blitzing a safety from the corner is the proper procedure, despite not being able to stop the run. Good call? What the f*ck are you talking about?

c. Coverage not so good? If any schmuck watched the play, Dexter Jackson blitzed and rookie CB Leon Hall jumped the short route.

Why? Because that loser Chuck Bresnahan ASSUMED that his “amazing” free agent signing Dexter Jackson would actually get to the QB on his “sneaky” blitz.

What actually happened? Jackson was picked up by a lowly fullback, leaving Leon Hall jumping a Braylon Edwards “Go” route, and thus leaving him wide open.

So who do I blame Hobson?

-I blame Bresnahan for the stupid play call.

-I blame Marvin Lewis for thinking these defensive free agent bums he signs will make any difference.

-And I blame you, Hobson, for being an apologist douche for a team that consistently makes up excuses for piss poor defense.

It’s been too long,

Charlie Hustle 

5 Responses to “Please Curb Stomp Geoff Hobson”

  1. That motherfucker looks like the guy in your class that used to stalk girls all the time.

  2. Matt said

    Josh, you always find a way to make me laugh…

  3. Condo said

    That may very well be the funniest thing I read all day long, and most truthful as well. Hilarious as always Josh.

  4. Just2Cocky said

    That dude looks like he’s gettin’ ready to go Columbine on a few classmates.


    Oh, and I see your local media is as annoying as ours is.

  5. Steven said

    I have seen that guys picture on a wanted poster before…… I need to call the FBI and collect the reward.

    Where is he currently residing?

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