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This Just In: Chucky Weiss Pays Lloyd Carr To Keep Losing So People Don’t Talk About Notre Dame

Posted by Bob Swerski on September 9, 2007

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               ^Made the NY Times top 10 books not to waste time on

Everyone and their mothers will be talking about how Michigan can lose to a Division-1 AA team followed by an unranked Oregon team.  It is easy to pick on Michigan because, well, they are terrible.  But almost lost in this discussion is how pathetic Notre Dame has looked and how abysmal their offense has been.

 In case you haven’t been following Notre Dame, they have also started the Season 0-2 losing to better teams then Michigan’s losses (Georgia Tech and Penn State).  What people need to look at is the numbers that ND is putting up behind “offensive genius” and “quarterback trainer” Chuck Weiss.

The biggest stat is the fact that after two games Notre Dame has yet to score an offensive touchdown, and if it weren’t for special teams plays they probably would have been shut out this week against Penn State.  Which would have meant they would have received their worse loss in years, minus last week.  This week the Fighting (to save face) Irish had only 9 first downs, 14 penalties, 144 passing yards, and NO RUSHING YARDS!  That’s right, they ran the ball, but they were  stopped for a loss so many times that it became 0 yards.

When you combine this with last weeks numbers you get 22 first downs, 274 passing yards, and -8 rushing yards.  In case you were wondering, that was a minus sign in front of the 8.  Even funnier is that you thought 0 rushing yards was terrible, but it was an improvement from the week before.

If Notre Dame and Michigan were smart they would march down to both these overpaid coaches and say that come half time of the next game, if they don’t score a Touchdown they will be fired before the second half.  The best part about that is Michigan and Notre Dame play each other next week.  So they could both be fired at the same time. 

My predicition:  0-0 going into overtime and they call it a tie after 8 hours of neither team being able to score any points. 

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5 Responses to “This Just In: Chucky Weiss Pays Lloyd Carr To Keep Losing So People Don’t Talk About Notre Dame”

  1. Before people start posting comments to the effect of “hey dumb ass, Weis(s) is spelled with 1 s.” From a previous comment I suspected that people put the extra s in Stark(s)ville because they suck. I simply did the same thing in the article above. Thank you

  2. Matt said

    Hahahaha

  3. I hate Notre Dame……………..I remembered when Weis said “We will never again lose to Michigan State.”

    This year, he might be eating his words.

  4. Just2Cocky said

    FROM DENNIS DODD, CBSSPORTSLINE.COM WRITER TODAY:

    There is mounting evidence against Notre Dame’s knee-jerk reaction to replace Tyrone Willingham after the 2004 season. The days of the el blindo domers saying the school had to do something back then are over. Using that logic, Notre Dame has to do something now.

    (Numbers courtesy of the San Jose Mercury News)

    Through 33 games at Notre Dame

    Both coaches are 20-13

    Record vs. USC

    Both coaches are 0-3

    Record vs. Michigan

    Willigham, 2-1 Weis, 1-2

    Records vs. ranked opponents

    Willingham, 7-8 Weis, 4-8

    Other Weis tidbits

    • Worst loss to USC (38-0)

    • Worst home loss in 51 games (same)

    • Worst start ever (0-5)

    • Worst start since 1960 (both 1-7)

    • Worst opening-day loss (33-3 to Georgia Tech)

    If Willingham was fired because the program had slumped, then what is happening with Weis? Start with seven years left on a 10-year contract and the promise of future recruiting classes that might — no, better — pay off.

  5. great youtube video about Notre Dame fans

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