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Jay Glazer Is A Giant Douche Bag

Posted by Matt on August 24, 2007

(Not-safe-for-work language to follow.)

I don’t normally tee off on much, especially that of which is less than sports related, but here goes.

I woke up this morning searching for news on our beloved Bengals in hopes of having something to tee off on and FOX Sports Jay Glazer delivered (his thoughts can be found here and I’ll address them shortly: Bengals looked good, but Kentucky’s the pits [FOX Sports]). I then read the subsequent, and outstanding, thoughts by the legendary Matt Jones from Kentucky Sports Radio, which can be found right m’here: Kentucky Takes Aim at Jay Glazer.


Thanks, Jay.

Now, allow me to address parts of your column individually:

“First of all, it’s in a dry county. Why is there anywhere in America that is dry? Let’s get real people. Not selling alcohol in one area is the dumbest thing in the world.” –Jay Glazer, on the town of Georgetown, Kentucky

I may tend to agree that the dry counties and Sunday liquor sales restrictions throughout the state can be somewhat of an inconvenience and maybe slightly archaic, but if it is not for me then I don’t have to live there and that is just what the locals would probably tell me. See, Jay, we live in a country with this little doctrine called democracy, I don’t know if you’ve heard of it.

Something about a government for the people, by the people, I don’t know. What kind of crap is that anyways, right Jay? I mean for seriously. So apparently, at some point, those craaaaazy locals got together and decided to vote somehow, whether it be on a law-maker or on the actual law (I am not sure, I am not as smart as Jay Glazer), to put the dry county rules in to affect. In the same sense I would like to vote to pass a law that would rescind your free speech rights, Jay, just for kicks.

You’re entitled to you’re own opinion, Mr. Glazer, but at some point this law was passed through a voting process and you happened to be in a dry county; sorry about your luck. You’ll have to take your two-week binge after realizing how much you suck back to the shit hole that is New York City.

Jay went on to add this conversation:

Goober Pyle, Manager Extraordinaire: “I understand you ordered three rounds but we can’t do that because all alcohol has to be finished by 11.”

Aggressive New Yawka Glaze: “That’s OK buddy, we’ll have them finished off for you, no problem.”

Goober Pyle, Manager Extraordinaire: “We can’t do that, the police will take them out of your hands. I’m sorry.”

Aggressive New Yawka Glaze: “It’s OK, I’m willing to do the time.”

Goober Pyle, Manager Extraordinaire: “Sorry, it’s not going to happen. I can only give you one. We’re only looking out for your best interests.”

Are you kidding me? This is where I got a little… frustrated shall I say.

Aggressive New Yawka Glaze: “Doogie, you want to protect my best interests, get me a damn 401K plan! Don’t let me buy a dog from Bad Newz Kennels but don’t tell me you’re going to play drink police.”

Goober Pyle, Manager Extraordinaire: “It’s for your own safety, sir.”

Aggressive New Yawka Glaze: “I’m so lucky to have a guardian angel like you at my side. Seriously, where were you when I fell out of that tree house when I was 8, or the time I got my ass choked out in the Octagon or the time I took a blow torch in high school and cut off the roof of my car so I could have a convertible. Thank you so much oh Hillbilly guardian.”

Goober Pyle, Manager Extraordinaire: “(Blank look)”

I am assuming the Pyle reference is from Goober Pyle of The Andy Griffith Show fame. Man, he couldn’t get any cooler, a The Andy Griffith Show reference. Damn, that’s sweet.

And lastly, Jay, a self-imposed nickname (such as “Glaze”) while referring to yourself in the third person is the ultimate sign of douche baggery. Trust me. Nicknames have to be earned and bestowed upon you by someone much cooler than you, such as, say, myself. Since I am way more awesome than you I have the honor of giving you a nickname, so here it goes:

‘Shit Box.’

Sounds good to me.

Furthermore, apparently while in Georgetown, Kentucky, Glazer had a bit of culture shock:

“It also leads to the freaking hillbilly who was selling moonshine out of the back of his truck. Did I just say moonshine? Did I just say hillbilly? Folks, I’m not making this stuff up There are actually people who still sell moonshine in Kentucky and there was a guy giving it out from the back of his pickup the weekend I was there.” –Jay Glazer

Oh I am sorry, Jay, next time you’re in town I’ll make sure that Old Man Moonshiner has a top shelf selection of chardonnays and a few more tampons for your vagina in stock. Additionally, I have researched the process of making moonshine and it takes someone WAY more talented than your New York nancy ass.

And finally, to sum up his stay in the Bluegrass, Jay had this to say:

“That night was the longest five years I’ve spent at one place in my life.” -Jay Glazer, on his night in central Kentucky

Hey Jay, your ugly face makes me want to vomit.

Now I will tend to agree that political correctness, or more importantly the need for it, has gone a bit too far in this country but I would typically draw the line at stereotyping the people of an entire state after visiting one county out of 120 counties. If Glazer was smart, he would’ve known that Kentucky has the fourth most number of counties in any state in the Union, but he probably doesn’t because he probably isn’t a member MENSA either. And if he is: Suck it, MENSA.

All of this means that Jay was nice enough to stereotype the people of an entire state by the experiences of one day in only one of the 120 counties. He is basically assuming no difference between the various people from the Eastern coal-mining areas such as Pike County, to the Western edge that is thriving around the city of Bowling Green, to the region known, simply, as “Northern Kentucky,” which is effectively greater-Cincinnati and is quite industrialized. That is like me saying that everyone at FOX Sports, like Joe Buck for instance, sucks as much ass as Jay Glazer does; which they do, except for that Troy Aikman guy, he’s pretty good. It would also be like saying all of Jay’s articles are irrelevant pieces of shit, which they are, based on a small percentage of his overall work.

Listen, I am not even from Kentucky, I was born and raised in Dayton, Ohio. However, I have spent the better half of the last decade in Lexington, Kentucky and I am glad to call it home. This isn’t just a knock against Kentucky. No, it is a slam against the South and, more importantly, the SEC. So everybody should be offended and stand up against this loser. Send e-mails (I know Matt Jones suggested otherwise, with valid reason, but I say we flood his inbox anyways…it sounds like fun), leave comments on the article about how wrong he is, or mock him on the Internet (such as I am doing now); hell, anything to prove that us Kentuckians, or others from the South for that matter, are quite prolific with this little contraption they call a “computer.”

You didn’t think we’ve entered in to the “digital age” yet, did ya’ Jay?

Apparently, however, he does have a hot wife, as acknowledged by Mr. Jones of Kentucky Sports Radio:


But I am going to go ahead and state right now that the only reason she married this huge tool is the fact that he is within arm’s reach of NFL superstar genitalia when he reports from the locker rooms after football games. That’s right, I said it.

Jay Glazer = douche.jpg

In all seriousness, I am not sure what Jay Glazer was expecting. Georgetown, Kentucky is a quiet, quaint little Midwestern town and that IS the reason why the Cincinnati Bengals hold their Training Camp there. The Bengals want a quiet, safe place to take their players where trouble WILL NOT FIND THEM. Look how much trouble the Bengals’ players get in to already when they’re in Cincinnati, especially with alcohol. Taking the team to Georgetown, a place that is much more family friendly than New York City will ever be, helps to ensure that the players will stay out of trouble and get the most out of practices. To stereotype the people of an entire state after one night in one town and to use terms to describe them that could be borderline offensive to life-long Kentuckians is just unacceptable.

UPDATE: According to Matt Jones, FOX Sports has apparently since pulled the article but my message still applies: Screw Jay Glazer.

Disclaimer: Please take this article with a grain of salt, I am merely throwing rocks back at Jay Glazer’s glass house. If you disagree with this column, I don’t care. If I offended you, I apologize. I only meant to go after Jay Glazer AS A JOKE!!!

17 Responses to “Jay Glazer Is A Giant Douche Bag”

  1. Just2Cocky said

    AWESOME…..I about fell out of my chair laughing reading this!

    I love how these “big city types” can just stroll into a southern/midwest town and act like they understand everything that is going on. His attempt at humor was lame at best, degrading at worst. No surprise that the article has now been pulled.

    I’ll try to check in here often.

  2. Bob Swerski said

    I have the best of both worlds ( a big midwestern city), which is what makes Chicago the best place in the world. We have a nice place to live with alot of great things the city can provide, but we don’t have complete assbags like Jay, or at least no where near as many as NY. Even worse is he has that same stupid goatee that 90% of NY people have… Hey Jay, get some originality you prick.

  3. Bob Swerski said

    It has been bugging me who he looks like and I got it. He looks like a fat, gayer Max Kellerman. Your thoughts?

  4. Matt said

    Wow, Max Kellerman, the original Around the Horn guy.

    Sweet reference – not as much hair though but yes, I am digging it.

  5. Matt said

    Oh, by the way, thanks Just2Cocky for the post and the interest. I am sure I’ll see you around GSF as well.

  6. adude said

    your blog sucks. stop posting on ksr.

  7. Matt said

    Listen, Adude, if you don’t like our blog, don’t read it, simple as that.!

    I have posted on KSR less than 10 times and on three occasions it was to thank Matt for the internet or radio shoutout that he did under his own accord and has said statements such as:

    “…from a relatively new blog with promise.” and “…its actually pretty good.”

    Furthermore, the last time I checked, unless your name is Matt Jones, KSR isn’t even your blog….

    It is losers like Adude that go out of their way to try to rain on someone else’s parade for no reason who are the true douche bags in this world.

    Grow up, it was a joke and I put that in the disclaimer at the bottom.

  8. dude need some pussy in his life

  9. I wonder what Glazer would say about Memphis, especially in the central business district.

  10. Matt said

    I just realized the comment Adude was talking about is on KSR from the post I linked to and IT IS NOT EVEN A COMMENT BY ME.


    I hate the openly and intentionally uninformed…

  11. Doc Hancock said

    Believe me, I have a friend like that and it gets on my nerves.

  12. Steven said

    WOW….. what has that guys panties in a wad?

    And while I take pokes at Tennessee (not Kentucky so much), it is a Southern thing IMHO and a NYC putz has no business trying to get involved in southern “family” business.

  13. He doesn’t.

    BTW, Mark Cuban is going to be on Dancing With The Stars this year.

  14. Terry Shelton said

    Glazer has to be held accountable for this piece of trash. Nail him every chance you get. Contact FOX Sports Sponsors and keep the heat up on this arrogant New Yawka.

  15. Robert Wayne said

    Glazer is obviously another stupid urban yankee who thinks we all make and run moonshine, engage in sexual relations with our relatives, and go to Klan meetings and decide which blacks to string up every weekend. I have news for him. I’ve lived in the South (Louisiana) all of my life and have never drank moonshine, known anybody who has engaged in sex with a relative and to be honest whites are in a lot more danger going into black neighborhoods than vice versa. However, it would be a lot of fun if Glazer (or some other snotty urban yankee) came here. I’d get about half a dozen friends to dress up in old overalls, grow about a week’s beard and surround him and pretend we’re going to do to him what the hillbillies did to that canoer in the movie “Deliverance”. It would be really funny watching this arrogant, silly New Yorker trying to squeal like a pig…..LOL.

  16. Tips said

    Couldn’t agree more.


  17. M said

    Thanks, Tips!!!

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