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Bengals Fantasy Preview

Posted by Charlie Hustle on July 17, 2007


Fantasy magazines have been on the newsstands for a few weeks and that only means one thing: Fantasy Football Season.

Men with button-up short-sleeve shirts and discount-rack ties everywhere anticipate every summer when they can slip their brand new fantasy football magazine into their cubicles and study up while they are supposed to be filling out T.P.S. Reports.

“The Nasty Boys” would now like to present the 2007-2008 Bengals Fantasy Preview: “Office Space” style….

QB: Carson Palmer a.k.a. “Peter-man”


2006 Stats: 324-520 (62.3%), 4035 yds, 28 TDs, 13 INT

Carson Palmer spent most of the 2006 fantasy season as one of the top-ranked fantasy quarterbacks in the league and is moving up faster than Peter up the corporate ladder. The trio of Ocho Cinco-Housh-Henry were plenty of weapons for Carson. Although Carson, and the Bengals, sorta “petered” out towards the end of the season, there’s no reason to be anything but high on Carson this year. He is being ranked in most magazines the #2 QB overall, right behind Peyton Manning. With 2 years in-between his knee injury and now, and plenty to prove on the field, Carson is poised for a breakout year. Call it a homer pick but Peyton lost some weapons and will have a target on his back after winning the Super Bowl.

2007 Projection: 67% completions, 4200 yds, 34 TDs, 12 INTs

Overall QB Rank: #1

RB: Rudi Johnson a.k.a. “Lumbergh”


2006 Stats: 341 rushes for 1309 yds (3.8), 12 TDs; 23 rec. for 124 yds (5.4), 0 TDs

Rudi Johnson is the Lumbergh of the Bengals because he brings his lunchpale every week and every season. Fantasy owners everywhere love it when they can tell Rudi “…and ummmmm…. yeaaaahhhh we’re gonna need you to come in on Sunday.. mmk?” Rudi has been good for 1200-1400 yds and 12 TDs the last 3 seasons and there’s no reason to expect anything different. After last year, when I drafted Edgerrin James with the #4 pick overall, I’ve learned if you are drafting a RB in the 1st round (which you probably should be), then you need the MOST consistent so that you aren’t wasting your 1st round pick. Plus, there is also the factor of the team, and if you draft a RB on a shitty team, they will be throwing and not rushing in the 4th quarter. For every LT, there’s a Shaun Alexander. This is why I have Rudi ranked #4 overall behind LT, LJ, and Stephen Jackson.

2007 Projection: 1350 yds, 14 TDs rushing, 150 yds rec. and 1 TD rec.

Overall Rank: #4

WR: Chad Johnson a.k.a. “Michael Bolton”


2006 Stats: 87 rec. for 1369 yds (15.7), 7 TDs; 6 rushes for 24 yds, 0 TDs

Ocho Cinco, like Michael Bolton, loves his rap music and hates upper management (or the NFL fines division). While Ocho putts with a goal pylon, Michael beats the fuck out of a fax machine. Chad’s fantasy projections are sky-high this year and many fantasy magazines have him rated the #1 WR overall. I’m not THAT high on Chad, considering most of his damage last year came in 2 weeks and most teams are more than happy to double-team Chad and stay out of the SportsCenter highlights for a week after he proposes to another cheerleader. With that being said, Chris Henry is out for 8 weeks and Carson will be throwing and throwing some more. This means increased end zone looks for Chad and Housh. I’m a big fan of consistency, however, which means I like Marv Harrison and Steve Smith just above Chad this year.

2007 Projections: 90 rec. for 1500 yds, 9 TDs

Overall Rank: #3

WR: TJ Houshmandzadeh a.k.a. “Samir”


2006 Stats: 90 rec., 1081 yds and 9 TDs

Whether it’s TJ “Hosh-ma-zoad” or Samir “Naga…naga… not gonna work here anymore” these are two mainstays who don’t get enough credit. I had TJ Whos-Your-Mamma last year and he was definitely a favorite target for Carson in the red zone, with Henry being the other. Now that Henry is out for 8 weeks, I look for a quick burst by TJ right ouf of the gates with TDs. This means two things for those drafting TJ in the later rounds: 1. They get off to a great start in their league and 2. His trade value will be at a peak around Week 7-8, when some superstar receiver has started slow and you can trade TJ for him before Chris Henry comes back and steals more touchdowns. I would draft TJ at the 12-20 overall WR spot this year and watch other owners come begging after he starts off like a brick shithouse.

2007 Projections: 1100 YDs, 11 TDs (7-8 TDs before Henry comes back)

Overall Rank: #12-15

Bengals Defense a.k.a. “Milton”


Here’s what had to say about Bengals D Fantasy Projection:

“2006 Stats: 35 sacks, 31 TOs, 1 TDs, 20.7 PA

Projected Draft Range: Undraftable

Needless to say, the Bengals D. is gonna need to move their desk again, give us the red stapler back, and start working on the cockroach problem in the basement.

Other Bengals of Note:

Reggie Kelly – Reggie is my sleeper of the 2007 campaign. Carson Palmer called him personally to ask him to stay with the Bengals for less money than the Falcons were offering. Kelly has been with the offense long enough and I believe one of the new wrinkles will be looking for Kelly more in the end zone.

Projection: 300-400 yds, 5 TDs

Shayne Graham – I would have done a regular fantasy preview of Shayne, but so many of these kickers are the same. That being said, it’s always fun to draft the Bengals kicker if you are a fan because when they score, he scores no matter what. So I recommend Shayne for all Bengals fans so you don’t end up with fucking Matt Stover of the Ravens and having to cheer against him all year because we want the Ravens to lose.

Projection: 27 FGs, 120-130 pts

Chris Henry – Unless you are a Bengals fan, you will probably stay away from this loser. Well here’s the thing… Fantasy League playoffs are at the end of the year, not the beginning. If you have a large roster in your fantasy league, you will want to pick up Henry towards the end of your draft because he will be catching TDs from Carson and definitely playing with a chip on his shoulder when he comes back.

Projection (8 games): 500 yds, 5 TDs.

Look forward to the Bengals Season Preview as well as Division Preview once training camp gets over and the preseason starts. Having Odell in the mix WILL make a difference, so I’d rather not wax poetic about our fucking loser defense until we see if he’s allowed by Roger Goodell to be reinstated.

Good luck in all of your fantasy drafts!

— Charlie Hustle


One Response to “Bengals Fantasy Preview”

  1. Bob Swerski said

    Hey Hustle, done creaming over the Bengals yet? Seems to me like they are all going in the first round. Wonder why you guys can’t even make the playoffs…

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