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Charlie’s Sports Notes

Posted by Charlie Hustle on June 25, 2007

20070225-coffey_catching.jpg

Which one is the mascot?

The Reds officially have the worst record in baseball today This announcement brought to you by JTM’s dancing Bag O’Meat! It’s Bag O’Meat, meat patties in a bag with a plastic zipper! Eat JTMs… they haven’t terminally poisoned Chris Welsh… yet!

For the upcoming NBA Draft…

Candidate A: “I consider myself a role player. I understand people are projecting me a top pick, and those guys are supposed to be franchise guys. But I’m not that kind of guy who needs to come in and take over.”

Candidate B: “I’ve been training to be a franchise player since I was 9. That’s the first time I told my parents I was serious about getting to the NBA.”

Candidate A = Greg Oden

Candidate B = Kevin Durant…. umm who would you want #1?

If your own self-run NFL website runs this, you will probably not be a factor in the playoffs….

Defense/Special Teams

Projected Draft Range: Undrafted
2006 Stats: 35 sacks, 31 TO, 1 TD, 20.7 PA

“The Bengals team defense will likely go undrafted in most drafts as fantasy players will recall the perception of the NFL’s 30th-ranked defense. ”

….. Yes Bengals.com writers, fans will probably remember the “perception” of a swiss cheese, no-account defense. More people will apply for Tank Johnson’s bodyguard work than will draft the Bengals defense in fantasy leagues.

Apparently even retired, bald ex-Mariner teammates of Junior can predict the future…

Griffey had dinner Thursday night with former Mariners teammate Jay Buhner. The close friend must have been keeping up with the struggling 29-47 Reds.

“Jay actually called today’s game the first day I was here,” Griffey said. “He said, ‘Knowing your luck, you’re going to hit a couple of home runs and you’re going to lose, 3-2. He said that on Thursday.”

Would you rather have your drug abusing baseball players look like this…

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or this..

strawberrymugshot.jpg

Personally I’ll take the Roids of the late 90’s over the Crack of the 80’s.

Who won the AL MVP of 1992, post-coke pre-roids? A fucking closer – Dennis Eckersley. Oh the excitement!

NL MVP that year?

This guy:

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2nd Place in ’92? None other than Terry “Porkchops” Pendleton!

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I’ll take Sosa and McGwire going for 61 homers on the juice anyday over Porkchops Pendleton.

And lastly…

In honor of Rod Beck and his Fu Manchu passing away… here are some of baseball’s finest staches…

beck.jpgRod Beck – Fu Manchu

fingers1.jpg Rollie Fingers – Handlebar Stache

fasano_1727.jpg Sal Fasano – Prison Bitch Stache

fasano_yanks_1728.jpg Sal Fasano – Released on Parole Stache

boggs_1726.jpg Wade Boggs – “If I grow this stache thick enough, I can use it for hair plugs later in life” Stache…..

wade-boggs-hair.jpg

bill105.jpg freddie-mercury.jpg

Bill Cowher and Freddie Mercury – The “Openly Gay” Stache

….. and the all-time best stache is….

valentine_disguise_mets.jpg Bobby Valentine – “The umps will never recognize this disguise” Stache.

— Charlie Hustle

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One Response to “Charlie’s Sports Notes”

  1. Condo said

    What’s wrong with ‘Porkchops’ Pendelton? The guy was a pimp in Atlanta… without him, they don’t start the streak of 14 straight division titles or win a World Series in 95. God Bless PORKCHOPS!

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