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Wild Times In Wrigleyville

Posted by Ryne E. Hancock on June 17, 2007

When your team goes 62 years without a pennant and 99 years without a World Series championship, do you (a) call up any of your great-aunts that was born in 1908 and ask them what it was like to be alive for a Chicago Cubs world championship, (b) dig up the graves of Johnny Evers, Joe Tinker, and Frank Chance, (c) start planning a celebration of the 100th anniversary of the Cubs’ last world championship, or (d) none of the above?

Well, if (d) is your answer, you get a date with that hottie I met in Downtown Memphis at Hooters a couple of weeks ago.

In the last few weeks in Wrigleyville, the nation has seen Michael Barrett and Carlos Zambrano go at it in the dugout, Lou Pinella earning a nod for Best Actor for the 2008 Academy Awards by kicking dirt at an umpire with the Wrigley outfield being littered with beer cans in adoration of Uncle Lou’s acting, Soriano getting beaned in Atlanta by Tim Hudson, and a bad impersonation of Michael Jackson by Soriano on Friday when he hit a solo shot off David Wells which annoyed Jake Peavy like a little bitch.

And now added to the list of wild times since the beginning of the month in Wrigleyville is yesterday’s brawl in the fourth inning as Padres pitcher Chris Young let a pitch get away from him as he faced Derrek Lee, hitting Lee in the wrist.

This set off probably one of the lamest exchanges of punches this side of Tim Belcher (remember him?) and Chan Ho Park.

In the process, the melee at Wrigley resulted in the ejection of Derrek Lee, hitting coach Gerald Perry (who was in the center of an incident between the Cardinals and the Pirates back in 2004 when he was in the same position with the Cardinals), Padres starter Chris Young, and the Little Bitch (Jake Peavy), who probably contributed more to this series than he did when his Padres faced the Cardinals in the playoffs last year.

With Lee’s ejection, it’s going to hurt not only the Cubs’ offense, which has been pretty much up and down like the stock market, or if you’re from Chicago, Rex Grossman’s performance during the 2006 season, but also my entry in the MLB.com Fantasy Open, which is clinging on to first place in the East Division by one game with five weeks to go in the regular season.

And with whatever suspension that might be handed down from Major League Baseball, it might cost me a shot at the playoffs.

Unless if I find that hottie who I met at Hooters and insert her into the lineup at first base.

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