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The Sports Shorts – 4th Edition

Posted by Matt on June 13, 2007

Assuming Tony Parker wins the NBA Finals MVP Award, it would mean that the NBA Finals MVP is French, the best golfer in the world is African-American, the NBA Season MVP is Caucasian, and the best NHL team is NOT from Canada. What’s next, you’re going to tell me that the best NASCAR driver is from California and NOT the South?…….shit……nevermind.

Speaking of which, here’s a bit of homo-eroticism from the man himself:

Not that there is anything wrong with that, but you no longer have to wonder why the guy gets beer cans tossed at his car when he wins a race in the state of Alabama…

“The Sopranos” series finale drew roughly four times the viewership of Game 2 of the NBA Finals. By the way, Grandpa’s colonoscopy drew one-and-a-half times the viewership of Game 2 of the NBA Finals on the same night. And who says the NBA just isn’t exciting anymore?…

Dale Earnhardt, Junior will apparently drive for Hendrick Motor Sports next season. Dale, Senior’s fans seen organizing, taking up arms.

Surgery will apparently end Cincinnati Reds pitcher Eric Milton’s season as they are replacing a ligament in his throwing elbow. I don’t know if any of you have seen Milton pitch, but it is going to take replacing a hell of a lot more than just a ligament to turn this guy’s career around. How about an entire arm replacement with a talent transplant, can they do that these days? (By the way, Milton has an ERA of 5.833 since coming to the Reds before the start of the 2005 season.)

Barry Bonds hit career home run number 747 in a win against the Blue Jays on Monday, June 11th, ending a twelve game home run drought. Does anybody even care about this anymore? I am beginning to think not…


“Long” John Daly’s wife allegedly attacked the cult-hero with a steak knife sometime in the early morning on Friday, June 8th, according to reports. Now if you can show up to a golf tournament later on the same day your wife tried to maul your face with an eating utensil and nobody seems to care and ESPN doesn’t even take notice, you might want to reevaluate your life. (Regardless, I am still a huge Daly fan and the poor guy can’t seem to catch a break…and apparently his wife claims he attacked her then himself to cover it up, who really knows…)

The NBA Worst Haircut Finals are down to two:

Drew Gooden – rocking what I would like to call the “vagi-patch”:


Anderson Varejao – the love child of the WWE’s Carlito and Carrot Top:

carlito.jpg + carrottop.jpg = varejao.jpg

You decide.

On the heels of seeing Chad Johnson defeat a horse in a man versus beast charity race, I have decided I am going to race a fox squirrel to raise money for “The Nasty Boys’ Beer Fund,” it’s a worthwhile cause.

And I’m spent.

“The Sports Shorts”



2 Responses to “The Sports Shorts – 4th Edition”

  1. ANGELA said

    eres el mejor y nadie te puede superar estas muy guapo,comunicate a mi e mail please baby

  2. Matt said

    I’ve translated what you’ve said (courtesy of and I’ve got to be honest, it made more sense in Spanish…

    “you are the best and nobody can surpass yourself these very good-looking, communicate you to my and mail please baby”

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