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Requiem For A Season

Posted by Charlie Hustle on May 15, 2007

No pictures for this article. No gimmicks.

There is no hope for the rest of the season for the Reds. If you think there is, well apparently you just got out on parole. This season is dead, and this is its requiem.

Nobody is accountable on this team for consistently poor performance. Well here’s where I call them all out… these mother fuckers just wasted another 3 hours of my life.

Let’s start at the top…

Bob Castellini – His investment group spent $270 million to buy the Reds from his father-in-law, Carl Lindner. Who spends hundreds of millions of dollars on a baseball franchise then play small ball? This is a fucking proud franchise with 5 World Series championships. We aren’t the Devil Rays.

Major League baseball accrued over $1 billion in revenue more than they expected last year. Therefore they encouraged small market teams to make expenditures in free agency market to increase competition. THIS IS WHAT THE LUXURY TAX IS FOR.

The Reds receive compensation from teams like the Yankees that spend over the salary cap. WE HAVE 18 PLAYERS CURRENTLY MAKING $2 MILLION YEARLY SALARY OR LESS. Making over $10 million this year? Our favorite “fly ball” pitcher, Eric Milton.

Remember Bobby’s first press conference, when he told fans that if the Reds were in the hunt down the stretch, he would spend the money. Well, he certainly opened up the coffers for Eddie “Fourth Meal” Guardado last year! We only finished 3.5 games out, and it was even closer than that for most of September. Am I the only one who remembers these things????

Wayne Krivsky – Please refer to bullpen article for complete horseshit deals executed by the Wayner.

Jerry Narron – I have never in my life seen a manager so intent on consistently being inconsistent. I haven’t seen the same lineup two days in a row all year.

MEMO TO JERRY: Players like to bat in the same place most days. They get fidgity when they don’t know if they’re hitting 1st, 8th, or pinch-hitting.

What about the mismanagement of the starting staff you ask? Why look no further than tonight, when Narron allowed Matt Belisle to keep pitching after getting hammered for 5 runs in the first 3 innings. The results? 2 more runs in the 5th inning. Way to slaughter the confidence of one of our better young pitchers, Jerry. Belisle sat in the dugout afterwards and looked as if he had just witnessed a mob hit. Team doctor Timothy Kremchek was then seen sprinting into the clubhouse, scrounging feverishly for anti-depressants.

Ryan Freel – A fan favorite. Plays hard. Gets dirty. Yet wouldn’t this guy be a #7 or #8 hitter on most decent teams? Has there ever been a start to a game recently where Freel has disrupted the other team by getting on base and running wild on the basepaths? Has he ever consistently worked the count so the other batters can see the pitcher’s stuff? This is what leadoff men do. More and more Freel swings for the fences, with limiting results. 14 walks – 20 Ks. .268 AVG, .348 OBP. 8 steals, 4 CS. This guy is no leadoff hitter.

Adam Dunn – Dunn makes A-Rod envious about how many insignificant home runs he can hit. He’s hitting .182 AVG with Runners in Scoring Position with 14 Ks in 33 ABs. He also hits .220 AVG with 2 outs. This KILLS the Reds. He has to be one of the most talented, least clutch hitters of all time. This guy is our franchise bat? Highest paid player? Ugh.

Ken Griffey Jr. – Junior is having a great season. Just named NL player of the week. Why is he getting called out? BECAUSE HE DOESN’T CALL ANYONE ELSE OUT. Griffey has to be one of the most aloof, disinterested superstars of our generation. Welsh and Grande rambled on tonight that the Reds need a veteran superstar to step up in the clubhouse and let everyone know that losing isn’t OK. Somehow the camera kept panning toward Junior.

Remember in the ’95 playoffs when Griffey came barreling down the 3rd base line to score the winning run vs. the Yankees in the 11th inning. He jumped up into the arms of his teammates in elation. Where did that guy go? Griffey wouldn’t jump into his teammates arms if you lit an M-80 under his ass. Is there anybody on the “All-Century Team” who cared less about winning for so much of his career? I don’t think so.

Edwin Encarnacion – Eddie was so bad he was sent down for INF Jeff Keppinger? Has anybody seen this Keppinger guy? You could easily swap him out for the batboy and nobody would notice. He’s listed at 180 lbs. Apparently that includes the anvil they threw inside his shirt. Eddie’s Fielding Percentage was .914. Among active 3Bs, that was 2nd to last. Between Eddie and our 1B combo of Hatte/Conine, we have 5 total home runs so far. Ugh.

Eric Milton – My favorite “fly ball” pitcher. Has anyone ever stopped to consider what a “fly ball” pitcher is anyway? Fly balls equate to homeruns, groundballs to outs. Last year, Brandon Webb led the league in groundball outs. Result? Cy Young Award Winner.

Meanwhile, Milton is 16-27 as a Red. The year before Milton came to the Reds, HE SET THE FUCKING NATIONAL LEAGUE RECORD FOR HOME RUNS GIVEN UP BY A LHP!!! In his first five starts this year, HE NEVER FINISHED ONE INNING WITH A LEAD!!!!!! This is our 24 million-dollar man.

Meanwhile in Louisville…

Homer Bailey – 1.38 ERA

I want you to read this quote by Jerry Narron about Milton right after he put him on the DL and seriously tell me if he even fucking watches the games…

“I think Milty’s pitching better than he has in the past,” Narron said Tuesday. “I think he’s really working at changing speeds, really working at keeping the ball down. Hopefully he can continue to do that and pitch well for us.”

My fucking head is going to explode. Seriously. I need Parental Control on my cable box to block the rest of the Reds games. If I write anymore about this tonight I’ll be doing babysteps like What About Bob and calling Dr. Leo Marvin in the morning.

I’m going to cheer for the Reds to lose every game the rest of the year so the entire country will know how stupid our management is and how they’ve run this proud franchise into the ground.

This season is already dead, therefore this is its requiem.

To be continued….

— Charlie Hustle

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5 Responses to “Requiem For A Season”

  1. Matt said

    Unfortunately, Charlie, you’re spot on. Usually the Reds wait until at least late-July or early-August to get THIS bad…

  2. Condo said

    Talked with some people from the Louisville Bats who speak with the Reds organization almost daily. Don’t expect to see Homer up til July at the absolute earliest. Financially is why because they would have to start paying him a major league contract and he’d lose his rookie status, which means 1 year closer to arbitration and losing him. I can honestly say the Reds have basically given up on the season in May and will probably start trading pieces away as early as mid June.

  3. Charlie Hustle said

    That would make sense except there is no better time than the present than to work Bailey’s kinks out at the major league level. If we’re going to lose every game anyway, we might as well be building for the future. If oldies like Jeff Conine, Mike Stanton, and David Weathers are the future then I should probably start looking for a new team to cheer for. It seems to me small-market teams that are successful like the A’s and Twins aren’t hesistant to pull the trigger on bringing up young talent and surrounding them with veterans so they learn. Bottom line is Krivsky and the rest of Reds management hold Homer Bailey up like the rabbit at the dog tracks, making him the Great White Hope so Reds fans will continue to pay attention.

    P.S. Congrats Condit on the move to OK. You have managed to make the connection from Kentucky to Oklahoma like one of the all-time crooks, Eddie Sutton. Be sure to slip Sean Sutton a note and tell him not to mail the players money in an envelope that opens at the Post Office like his daddy did.

  4. Matt said

    LOL, Eddie Sutton. I told Condo to tell me how many empty booze bottles of Eddie’s he finds stashed in the walls and in desk drawers.

  5. Condo said

    I agree 100% with you on Homer. Get him up ASAP and let him learn from making mistakes. I’m just telling you what the Reds management is thinking (or not thinking). Twins & A’s are perfect examples of what to do with prospects who are good.. get em up and let them learn. The Reds have some talented prospects down in the A ball level. Only problem is, guess what position most of them play? You guessed it, OUTFIELD. If Reds management ever learns how to draft, they could become a good team. Til then, expect season’s like this on a yearly basis.

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