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In Their Own Words

Posted by Charlie Hustle on April 23, 2007

After losing 2 out of 3 to the Phillies this weekend and losing 4 out of the last 5 overall, every Reds fan wants answers. Especially since this weekend marked the first time since 2000 that the Reds attendance for a 3-game series topped 100,000 in April. So instead of rambling about what’s wrong with them, I’ll let you decide from their own words.

After grounding into a triple play on Saturday, David Ross described the play, stating…

A) “Adam Dunn made me feel better when he said ‘At least you made contact.'”

B) “Jason LaRue taught me that one.”

C) “I ran as hard as I could.”

Answer: C. Apparently Ross running hard couldn’t prevent the first triple play for the Phillies in 8 years. Javier Valentin runs harder to the buffet line than Ross getting out of the box. Have another hoagie David.

When asked about the 13 errors committed by the Reds during the most recent homestand, Manager Jerry Narron declared…

A) “I didn’t even see those last few. Dick Pole told me that Eric Milton is our 2nd highest paid player and I had to take IV fluids after fainting.”

B) “We’ve just got to make the routine plays. If we do that, everything else will take care of itself.”

C) “We really wanted to toughen up the bullpen. Giving the other team 3 outs is for pussies.”

Answer: B. Nothing instills confidence in me more than the manager stating that his team should make routine plays. He can’t be serious. Even if they could manage the throw from 3rd base to 1st, no routine play is going to convince hitters to stop pounding Miltie’s hanging curveball. Dick Pole should just wheel a pitching machine out there every 5th day and hog-tie Milton and stuff him in his trunk.

After being touched up for 4 runs and 8 hits in 5 innings on Sunday, starter Matt Belisle explained Chase Utley’s RBI double in the 3rd inning when he said…

A) “He just got it in a happy place.”

B) “I was distracted when I saw a greasy napkin stuffed into Valentin’s jersey. I didn’t get the pitch call because I was deciding if it was a Reuben or a cheesesteak.”

C) “(Jerry) Narron told me to throw him a hanging curve to make Dunn quit picking sunflowers in left field.”

Answer: A. What professional pitcher describes a poor pitching performance in that way? Can you imagine how Dick Pole prepares his starting staff….

“Gang… gather ’round… no more balls in happy places… only sad or angry will do. Now put away your coloring books, it’s time for recess.”

It makes me feel better when I don’t even have to rip the Reds, because their own stupidity outmatches anything I could ever write.

— Charlie Hustle

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