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“Pac Man” Goes Back To School

Posted by Matt on April 14, 2007

Adam “Pac Man” Jones, in what could arguably be the funniest news story of the pre-2007 NFL Draft period (at least for my money) , is reportedly considering a return to West Virgina University to work on his college degree. Now, do not get me wrong, going back and working on one’s degree is not something I condemn, its usually a good decision for anyone. What is also a possibility is that “Pac Man” may even be out of money, and becoming a full time student allows him to get back on Mommy’s health insurance, which is key for ANY poor college student. I’ll go out on a limb here, however, and say that Jones is NOT one of those poor college students.

Furthermore, what better place for an NFL star with lots of money and an innate inability to stay out of trouble than a college campus, where, to quote Lloyd Christams, “the beer flows like wine and the beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano”? “Pac Man” is returning to a place with young, fresh-out-of-high school, scantily clad women, who all know he has money that is possibly never ending. He is also returning to a place with an over flow of booze and marijuana; I should know, I go to college and most college campuses are the same. On top of all of this “Pac Man” is going to a campus that is in the middle of nowhere, a campus in which I can speak about first hand about as I drove very near to it on my way to Washington, D.C. last weekend. There is not anything else to do but to break the law at WVU.

Long story short, I give it until on or before October 31, 2007, or Halloween, and Jones will be in trouble again; with the best chance of legal issues occurring between the start of the Fall 2007 Semester at WVU, August 20, until Halloween, October 31, 2007. Just think about it, students coming back from the Summer, incoming Freshmen getting crazy because Mommy and Daddy are not around, college football tailgates firing up on Saturdays, and Halloween parties going down with more minimally-dressed female students; it will be a smorgasboard of trouble. So write it down, etch it stone, “Pac Man” will be in trouble again within 6 months, 18 days, period.

Now the remainder of this report, which allegedly comes from Jones’s agent, contends that “Pac Man” will also work out with the Mountaineers football team to stay in shape while suspended. That’s great, just what I would want to hear if I was the proud parent of a collegiate athlete; my collegiate athlete, who is trying to juggle the full time job of Division 1 athletics with academics of a four year university, as well as a fading childhood, is suddenly in a position to take advice from Adam “10 Police Interviews” Jones. “Pac Man” is not what I would consider to be a solid role model for the early twenty-something male who idolizes professional athletes in hopes to someday play on the same professional fields as they do, and I would not want my son working out with him.

If all else fails, maybe “Pac Man” can show the youngsters on the team how to pop a car lock with a coat hanger like Peyton Manning did on the Saturday Night Live “United Way” commercial.

UPDATE: Adam “Pac Man” Jones will now appeal the suspension. If his appeal is upheld, he will be able to return to the field as a Tennessee Titan during Week 11. Titans’ owner Bud Adams, however, is not sure that he wants “Pac Man” back unless “he changes his behavior and avoids controversy off of the field” (ESPN.com). Jones thinks that he was wrongfully accused and may to be an example despite the fact that he has never been charged with anything during his 10 interviews and 5 arrests with police. I can see his point to a very small degree in the sense that, say, Jones was accused of something in which the charges were later to be found erroneous, such as the Duke lacrosse case, then I would feel for “Pac Man.” However, Jones has put himself in a position to be in trouble time and time-again, and I can no longer feel sorry for him. Furthermore, the Las Vegas police would like to charge him for inciting a strip club fight in which three different people were shot (ESPN.com). Contrary to what Jones says, he actually has been charged with serious counts, including a felony obstruction charge in Georgia late last year, he just has never been found guilty as of yet, though some cases have yet to close.

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