Charlie Hustle’s Quote Of The Day

Ed.’s Note: Once again, this gem was left on my desktop by the legendary Charlie Hustle…

Regarding ESPN’s “The Talented Mr. Roto” Matthew Berry and this article: ESPN.com…

“He’s a fantasy football expert which officially puts him on the women attractiveness scale right below toll booth worker.  It’s like he meets some chick at the bar and when she politely asks him what he does for a living and he responds ‘Fantasy Football Expert,’ there is absolutely no follow up question given; the same confused look as if he said child rapist.”

Other Charlie Hustle Randmoness:

• Charlie Hustle’s Question Of The Day

Fantasy Week 2: Start and Sit

Here are a few picks of who to start and sit this week for fantasy football.

START: QB: Carson Palmer.

START: RB: Rudi Johnson

START: WR: Chad Johnson, T.J. Housmanwhatever, Tab Perry

START: Defense - Bengals

SIT: Anyone you have playing ahead of these guys in your fantasy lineup.

The Bengals might have looked shaky offensively in their first start, but look for a rebound against cellar dweller Cleveland Clowns.  If you want to win big points in your fantasy league this year and look like a genius, start anyone, and I mean anyone playing the Cleveland Clowns.  Let’s say the Clowns decided to play a pick up game at a high school near you.  You should start that high school quarterback in your fantasy team. 

The best part about this advice is that it works EVERY week.  Come Week 3, if the Browns don’t beat the Raiders, I think we could have a season go 0-16.  Looking at the schedule, winless is a definate possibility.

This runs right into my lock of the week:  Cincinnati -6.5 against the Clowns.  If sports betting is your thing then you should probably put up a second mortgage on your house to have more money to bet on this game.

Bengals Fantasy Preview

Fantasy magazines have been on the newsstands for a few weeks and that only means one thing: Fantasy Football Season.

Men with button-up short-sleeve shirts and discount-rack ties everywhere anticipate every summer when they can slip their brand new fantasy football magazine into their cubicles and study up while they are supposed to be filling out T.P.S. Reports.

“The Nasty Boys” would now like to present the 2007-2008 Bengals Fantasy Preview: “Office Space” style….

QB: Carson Palmer a.k.a. “Peter-man”

2006 Stats: 324-520 (62.3%), 4035 yds, 28 TDs, 13 INT

Carson Palmer spent most of the 2006 fantasy season as one of the top-ranked fantasy quarterbacks in the league and is moving up faster than Peter up the corporate ladder. The trio of Ocho Cinco-Housh-Henry were plenty of weapons for Carson. Although Carson, and the Bengals, sorta “petered” out towards the end of the season, there’s no reason to be anything but high on Carson this year. He is being ranked in most magazines the #2 QB overall, right behind Peyton Manning. With 2 years in-between his knee injury and now, and plenty to prove on the field, Carson is poised for a breakout year. Call it a homer pick but Peyton lost some weapons and will have a target on his back after winning the Super Bowl.

2007 Projection: 67% completions, 4200 yds, 34 TDs, 12 INTs

Overall QB Rank: #1

Charlie’s Sports Notes

– Which one is the mascot?

– …The Reds officially have the worst record in baseball today… This announcement brought to you by JTM’s dancing Bag O’Meat! It’s Bag O’Meat, meat patties in a bag with a plastic zipper! Eat JTMs… they haven’t terminally poisoned Chris Welsh… yet!

– For the upcoming NBA Draft…

Candidate A: “I consider myself a role player. I understand people are projecting me a top pick, and those guys are supposed to be franchise guys. But I’m not that kind of guy who needs to come in and take over.”

Candidate B: “I’ve been training to be a franchise player since I was 9. That’s the first time I told my parents I was serious about getting to the NBA.”

Candidate A = Greg Oden

Candidate B = Kevin Durant…. umm who would you want #1?

– If your own self-run NFL website runs this, you will probably not be a factor in the playoffs….

Defense/Special Teams

Projected Draft Range: Undrafted
2006 Stats: 35 sacks, 31 TO, 1 TD, 20.7 PA

“The Bengals team defense will likely go undrafted in most drafts as fantasy players will recall the perception of the NFL’s 30th-ranked defense. “

….. Yes Bengals.com writers, fans will probably remember the “perception” of a swiss cheese, no-account defense. More people will apply for Tank Johnson’s bodyguard work than will draft the Bengals defense in fantasy leagues.

– Apparently even retired, bald ex-Mariner teammates of Junior can predict the future…

Griffey had dinner Thursday night with former Mariners teammate Jay Buhner. The close friend must have been keeping up with the struggling 29-47 Reds.

“Jay actually called today’s game the first day I was here,” Griffey said. “He said, ‘Knowing your luck, you’re going to hit a couple of home runs and you’re going to lose, 3-2. He said that on Thursday.”

– Would you rather have your drug abusing baseball players look like this…

or this..

Personally I’ll take the Roids of the late 90’s over the Crack of the 80’s.

Who won the AL MVP of 1992, post-coke pre-roids? A fucking closer – Dennis Eckersley. Oh the excitement!

NL MVP that year?

This guy:

2nd Place in ‘92? None other than Terry “Porkchops” Pendleton!

I’ll take Sosa and McGwire going for 61 homers on the juice anyday over Porkchops Pendleton.

And lastly…

In honor of Rod Beck and his Fu Manchu passing away… here are some of baseball’s finest staches…

Rod Beck – Fu Manchu

Rollie Fingers – Handlebar Stache

Sal Fasano – Prison Bitch Stache

Sal Fasano – Released on Parole Stache

Wade Boggs – “If I grow this stache thick enough, I can use it for hair plugs later in life” Stache…..

Bill Cowher and Freddie Mercury – The “Openly Gay” Stache

….. and the all-time best stache is….

Bobby Valentine – “The umps will never recognize this disguise” Stache.

– Charlie Hustle