Episode 6 of the Friends in Low Podcast is now live and cookin' and it's The Baby Files featuring new daddy Stanko http://tinyurl.com/nxffk22 months ago
Recorded another Friends in Low Podcast tonight and the 2nd edition of the TNB Report will be up this week. You know you love it. 2 months ago
Recording the first two episodes of the TNB Report TONIGHT after Hard Knocks; topics include a Bengals preview, Fantasy Football, and Favre. 2 months ago
Amidst the John Calipari-to-Kentucky turmoil yesterday afternoon this very site surpassed the 1,000,000 hit mark going back to June of 2007 I never thought we’d see numbers like that regardless of how long it took so I appreciate the many (or few) that made this happen and those of you that take the time to comment and engage in fun, interesting, and informative sports banter — that’s what Charlie Hustle and I had in mind back in early 2007, just after the New Year, when the idea for TNB was born.
Thanks goes to all the guys here that post when they can, regardless of how frequently or infrequently; I realize we’re all busy and it has been a fun ride doing all this with people I call friends.
I hope any of you still around now that things have slowed down in 2009 have enjoyed what we have had to offer along the way and I hope for many more moments in the future.
Obviously TNB has been dormant since the New Year and for that I apologize. Most of the guys have moved on to bigger and better things: careers, families, graduate school, or — in Bob’s case — drunken binges. We’ve been gone but the site has not been forgotten.
So here is the deal: with baseball spring training looming, our 1,000,000th hit imminent, and Charlie Hustle needing additional income to feed his degenerate gambling habits, we’re going to be making some gradual, minor changes in hopes of a relaunch on March 1st. The majority of the design will stay the same as will a majority of the free, below-average content you’ve come to expect.
The one, big change that I hope alienates nobody is our focus. Instead of our ambiguous approach to 2008, we’re going to narrow our focus for the Northern Kentucky sports sufferer. Bitchings about the Cincinnati Bengals and Reds, as well as (hopefully) amusing and interesting commentary on the Kentucky Wildcats. Every once in a while we’ll throw in some very newsworthy or interesting bits from those respective sports and the teams’ respective divisions/conferences. There won’t be nearly as much mainstream, general fodder but there may be some national stories from the MLB or NFL from time to time.
Just as a recap, our narrowed focus will include the Cincinnati Bengals/AFC North, the Cincinnati Reds/NL Central, the Kentucky Wildcats/Southeastern Conference, and maybe a touch of related news just to switch it up. As always are archives will remain in tact for anyone wanting to check out the back catalog — I’m not sure why you would put yourself through that — as it will only see some minor, reorganizational changes.
There may be many folks who aren’t interested in the above listings and for that I apologize; I encourage anyone that stops by to stick around despite the changes. I don’t know if the changes will right the ship but we’re going to give it one helluva shot.
Hope everyone had a very safe and happy New Year’s Eve. Enjoy the day off and the college Bowl games and try to keep from falling off your New Year’s Resolution wagon at least through the weekend.
OK, OK so Hanukkah actually started on Monday but I figured I could knock out both holidays with one post as we’re trying to be green around here during these tough times.
But all jokes aside, I hope that everyone has a happy holiday or winter season, regardless of what you do (or don’t) celebrate. I respect and appreciate them all as much as I do our loyal readers AND OUR MEN AND WOMEN ABROAD!
A very HAPPY Holidays to all of the boys around here: Hustle, Condo, Doc, Bob, Vega, Baller, L.C., and Z — our posts may be few and far between these days but it sure has been a lot of fun with the aforementioned crew.
I hope everyone’s time spent with their families and close friends is both fun and safe and our Military will most definitely be in my thoughts and prayers throughout this week.
Have a good one, and I promise improvements over the coming New Year.
Thanksgiving Day just isn’t quite the same without John Madden, turduckens, and the Lions losing.
Well, without 2 of 3 I guess…
At any rate, I hope any TNB readers have a fun, safe, and tasty Thanksgiving Day!!!
I always take the time at every opportunity to honor our troops abroad as they give me the freedom to say whatever stupid crap I want without fear of consequence. Our military is one thing I am perpetually thankful for and even more so today (and a big shout out to the 178th Fighter Wing out of Springfield, Ohio!).
So, again, I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday and I hope those deployed have, at minimum, a moment of peace to enjoy Thanksgiving — they deserve more than what we can repay them with.
Have a great day and enjoy the 3 Fs — family, food, and football — and hopefully your fantasy football teams hold up!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008 — Somewhere within Bengals Compound.
10:15AM – 34 hours until Bengals/Steelers game:
A package arrives for Mr. Mike Brown to 1 Paul Brown Stadium, Cincinnati, Ohio 45202. It’s a Netflix envelope. Millions of desperate fans now realize where money for a premier scouting department goes. The flick? Invincible starring Mark Wahlberg as Philadelphia Eagle “walk-on” Vince Papale.
12:00PM – 32 hours, 15 minutes until Bengals/Steelers game:
Credits are rolling for Invincible…
Mike Brown: “Brilliant! Get me Papale’s agent. If a guy with such gusto can walk-on for Coach Vermeil in Philadelphia we need to make a move for him by tomorrow night’s game against the Pittsburgh Steelers at 8:15PM exclusively on the NFL Network!”
Apparently Mr. Brown has resorted to product placement advertisement even within his own Front Office. NFL Network pays him $1,000 for every mention. Proceeds go to his daughter’s extensive wardrobe of man-clothes:
Mike Brown: “If their quarterback is dumb enough to not know that there are ties in the NFL we should have no problem trading David Pollack for Vince Papale straight up. Hell, even I knew there are ties and I don’t know a damn thing about football. I will say, however, that I’ve been managing for ties my entire career because it is like I’ve always said, a tie is better than anything else!”
1:15PM – 31 hours until Bengals/Steelers game:
At his daily press conference Marvin Lewis explains his team’s recent struggles.
Marvin Lewis: “Has anybody seen the movie Major League? Mr. Brown let me borrow it off of his Netflix queue, he’s a big Charlie Sheen fan. God, I love Netflix. Anyways, the movie inspired what I thought would be one of my more brilliant coaching strategies for the start of this season. I have always gotten my best coaching schemes from Hollywood, it is why I have a robust .483 professional winning percentage. This strategy has only failed me once, apparently you can’t get angels in the endzone. I thought it was worth a shot. Anyways, about this year. So after watching Major League I decided to install a cardboard stand-up of Katie Blackburn in the locker-room and I told the guys that every time we won a game I would peel off an article of clothing…just like in Major League. Obviously this hasn’t gone over too well…we’re 1-8-1; it seems most of the team would rather the cardboard Blackburn keep her clothes on. Carson actually vomited. So that one is on me, I take full responsibility.”
4:00PM – 28 hours, 15 minutes until Bengals/Steelers game:
Vince Papale, now 62 years old and ravaged by dementia, reports to Bengals Compound confused and slightly intoxicated. Mike Brown has never been more excited by a league-minimum signing.
In the meantime, Fifth-Third Bank has frozen Mr. Brown’s account and put a hold on Papale’s paycheck. Even the seemingly-yet-not-admittedly gay bank teller thinks that the acquisition must be some kind of joke and that someone must have stolen a book of checks from Bengals Compound and forged Mr. Brown’s signature. Many Bengals fans are left to wonder why a similar observation hasn’t occurred sooner.
6:30PM – 25 hours, 45 minutes until Bengals/Steelers game:
Team dinner is promptly served by recently signed lineman/linecook Digger Bujnoch and his family’s catering business, Booj’s. Mike Brown is as giddy as as school girl over the ability to get two services out of Bujnoch for the price of one and begins wondering if Chris Henry would be interested in selling Dippin’ Dots in the stands during defensive drives.
Patting himself on the back for another cost-cutting maneuver done well and unable to dine thanks to a potent case of irritable bowel syndrome, Mr. Brown retires to his quarters with a bottle of Metamucil and the latest Clay Aiken CD. The team leaves town for Pittsburgh shortly thereafter.
Thursday, November 20, 2008 — Somewhere within Bengals Compound.
6:30AM – 13 hours, 45 minutes until Bengals/Steelers game:
Feeling refreshed and rested from the night’s sleep, Mr. Brown settles in his office for his morning coffee while Akili Smith massages BENGAY in to his boss’ aching and aging muscles. Reading the regional newspapers each morning with a cup of joe is always a treat for Mikey; it allows him to revisit each and everyday how well-received he is as team owner in the Cincinnati area.
10:00AM – 10 hours, 15 minutes until Bengals/Steelers game:
A virtual off-day for the Front Office with the team en route to Pittsburgh, Mr. Brown begins the search for more bargain-basement players to pad his lineup and his resume. It takes little time for a scavenger of Brown’s caliber to realize that Philadelphia has more to offer than just a walk-on wide receiver.
Mike Brown: “I want the ‘garbage picking field goal kicking Philadelphia phenomenon’ and I want him now! If the Eagles were dumb enough to give up Papale for pennies on the dollar, Barney Gorman should be virtually free. I’ll see to it that the league’s most accurate active kicker Shayne Graham never boots another field goal for this team the rest of his career! (shouting to son Paul) Tell ‘em will give ‘em Odell Thurman and a tub of Bujnoch’s cole slaw! (snickering)”
1:45PM – 6 hours, 30 minutes until Bengals/Steelers game:
Katie Blackburn begins to salivate after watching the “Palumalu Island” promo for the 17th consecutive time while relaxing on her bed.
Meanwhile, in Pittsburgh, upon receiving a provocative text message from Bengals Executive Vice President Katie Blackburn, Troy Palumalu vomits a little bit in his mouth.
5:15PM – 3 hours until Bengals/Steelers game:
Marvin Lewis address his team before heading out to complete walk-throughs, warm-ups, and pregame ceremonies.
Marvin Lewis: “Ask not what your team can do for you; ask what you can do for your team. I have a dream that tonight this team will rise up and live out the true meaning of being a Cincinnati Bengal. And after the fight has ended, I hope to stand before you as your leader and declare one thing: Mission Accomplished. Gentlemen I want you to remember one thing tonight: a victory is one small step for this season, but one giant leap for seasons to come. So go out there and give it all you’ve got and win just one for the Gipper because blessed are the victors; for they shall inherit the Division. Amen.”
7:00PM – 1 hour, 15 minutes until Bengals/Steelers game:
Mr. Brown declined to travel for a Thursday night game in chilly Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and with pregame coverage commencing, he decides instead to sit down with his latest Netflix arrival. There will be no tuning in to tonight’s contest between his Bengals and the hated Steelers because even Mike Brown is too cheap to pay for the NFL Network.
(Ed.’s Note: Thanks to Charlie Hustle for some inspiration for this complete waste of your time.)
Exciting news for me is a long-time friend of mine and a long-time friend of the site will be joining us with his insights. This comes at a perfect time with the college and NFL football seasons in full force, college basketball season just around the corner, and my conscientious effort to return to blogging. You will know him as ZRO and he’s as much of an avid Kentucky Wildcats as I am so now there’s not one, but two of us. You’ve been warned. Other items of interest for my man ZRO are lacrosse, MILFs, late-night walks on white, sandy beaches, and beer — so he’ll fit right in around here.
ZRO has a lot on his mind and I am confident that you will not only enjoy what he has to say but find that his thoughts incite a high-quality level of discussion and debate. ZRO’s first post will drop in the very near future so look forward to that and get excited about what is to come. If you can’t get excited about what is going on around here these days you may want to check your pulse (or maybe even consider Viagra).
It has been nearly seven weeks since I have posted here on TNB and a lot has happened in my hiatus. The Bengals signed a criminal (again), Pacman Jones was suspended (again), and we landed on the Moon — and no, these aren’t your father’s headlines.
OK, maybe two of three happened but the bottom line is that I’ve been silent for too long. I have got a lot on my mind and it is high time I got back to the basics. I’m bringing blogging back.
TNB came to a point where we bit off more than we could chew and blogging became so overwhelming that I went all Ricky Williams and disappeared for two months. But that has changed and I hope to make my return this Friday with a Halloween-themed post a week before my favorite holiday.
Tell all of your friends. Put the women and children to bed. It’s starting all over again.
Yes, this is an actual screen shot of a game of Tecmo Super Bowl I won against the computer during my time off. I told you I had important business to tend to.
Everyone can breath a sigh of relief as I have returned to give direction and purpose to your life; however, a lot happened while I was off rescuing the illegitimate children of Shawn Kemp — let’s relive some of the memories, shall we?
-Brett Favre Unretired: Did you hear about this story? It was lucky to make the back pages…
-Several MLB’ers Were Traded: Thank you, Cincinnati, for trading away the only reasons I had to watch a Reds game the rest of the season.
-The Chinese Government Faked A Bunch Of Olympic Crap: In communist China the national anthem sings you!
-Michael Phelps Won An Ass Load Of Gold Medals: Suck it, Spitz.
-U.S. Gymnast Shawn Johnson Stole Our Hearts: She’ll be 18 on January 19, 2010 for those of you who are interested [See: Bob Swerski].
-And Doug Gottlieb Probably Stole Your Wallet: Once a thief, always a thief.
-The Bengals Resigned Chris Henry: …wait, what?
As you can see we have a lot to catch up on and that was only the tip of it, just to see how it felt. By the looks of things around here while I was gone it is time to start cracking that whip…
1) I will be relatively unseen for a while and Condo will likely be running things in the background for me (I am OK, just busy with school related ventures).
2) Although I am somewhat absent from here, I am not back home in Dayton, Ohio thus I did NOT cause the brawl that ensued between the Dayton Dragons (Low-A Reds) and the Peoria Chiefs (Low-A Cubs) last night. I must say, however, that a drunken and belligerent Matt/Bob Swerski combination would almost make perfect sense as being the spark that set 5/3 Field ablaze considering we’re Reds/Cubs fans, respectively. We’re convenient suspects but I can say that I am fairly certain it was NOT me and Bob, although my recollection of last night is EXTREMELY fuzzy.
If I get free time, I may post some. If not, sorry about your luck — you’ll have to find other ways to validate your existence.
MJ
Charlie Hustle
Condo
Bob Swerski
