Beale Street Blues

Ever since the Grizzlies arrived in Memphis eight years ago, they have tried, and ultimately failed, at righting the ship .

There was the hire of Hubie Brown, which resulted in the franchise’s first playoff appearance in 2004, during the last season at the Pyramid Arena and ended with Brown moving back to the broadcast booth.

Another broadcaster-turned-coach Mike Fratello followed Brown and led the Grizz to the 2005 and 2006 playoffs, only to be let go in the middle of the 2006-07 season giving the Grizzlies their fourth coach since moving here in 2001 in Marc Iavanori.

And like Fratello, Iavanori, who I met during the draft day party at the Flying Saucer on South Second Street in May of last year, would receive his walking papers on January 22nd, a day after the Grizzlies lost to the Charlotte Bobcats for their seventh straight loss.

Personally, I always thought when O.J. Mayo arrived in Memphis the fortunes of the franchise would change, which happens to be the same blind hope that most Grizzlies fans have every year after Rudy Gay/Mike Conley/Shane Battier held a Grizzlies jersey up and said to the world that they were a member of the Grizz.

Trust me, I did.

But when you continuously dish out a disinterested product on the court, filled with, in the words of Geoff Calkins, players that really don’t want to be here in the Bluff City and have a fan base of 5 and 6 year-olds waving pom poms and poor drunks on the corner of North Third and Jefferson begging for change so that they can get a fifth of Jack Daniel’s, then you have to wonder what is really going on in Michael Heisley’s head.

Why would an owner trade the only All-Star the franchise has ever had, as well as the all-time leading scorer in franchise history, only to see him walk to a team filled with a certain Hall-of-Famer and a nucleus of young talent that actually made it to that year’s NBA Finals?

Why would an owner trade two players that were part of that three-year run and in turn would win NBA Championships with their clubs?

I mean, why?

It’s time to face the music, Mr. Heisley.

Seriously.

I’ll Always Remember…

In the classic coming-of-age movie “The Girl Next Door”, a movie that starred Canadian import Elisha Cuthbert (the girl from “24″) and Emile Hirsch, the final scenes of the movie reflected on the memories that Emile Hirsch’s character would take from his senior year of high school.

And in those moments in which he reflected on the wild ride of his final month in high school, he always began with the phrase, “I’ll always remember.”

In what has a year of tragedy, triumph, and history, I decided to share with you guys, in what will be my final column of 2008, the memories that I have from the sports world.

It is safe to say, it was that kind of year.

I’ll always remember the 93-52 beatdown that Vanderbilt put on Kentucky and the chants of “double digits” that were heard around Memorial Gym as well as the expression on UK fan Ashley Judd’s face that was seen around the country.

I’ll always remember the emergence of Cardinals outfielder Ryan Ludwick, who came out of nowhere and kept the Cardinals in contention with his bat and defense until September.

I’ll always remember the run that the Lady Comets softball team made in the TransSouth Conference Tournament, a run that ended all too soon against the Union University Bulldogs in Jackson, Tennessee.

I’ll always remember the RCA Dome, which had been a part of the Indianapolis skyline as long as I have been alive and, towards the end of its short life span, got a chance to see a Super Bowl title before it went into the annals of history.

I’ll always remember the feel-good story that was the Tampa Bay Rays and how a team that no one would have never picked to win the American League East, let alone the Pennant, shocked the world with players like Evan Longoria, Carl Crawford, Scott Kazmir, and David Price by defeating the mighty Boston Red Sox en route to their first World Series.

I’ll always remember Drake University winning their first Missouri Valley Conference title in almost 40 years on my big sister Renetria’s 25th birthday.

I’ll always remember former Crichton basketball player Derek Boykin’s game-winning shot on January 17th against Lyon College, two days after their upset of Nationally-ranked Martin Methodist in Pulaski, Tennessee.

I’ll always remember the “Game of the Century” between Memphis and Tennessee as well as Vol coach Bruce Pearl getting too comfortable with TNB patron saint Erin Andrews after the game.

I’ll always remember the look on Phillies reliever Brad Lidge’s face after getting the final out of the 2008 World Series, this coming after giving up two epic postseason homers in 2005, one of them off Albert Pujols in Game 5 of the 2005 NLCS.

I’ll always remember the Gatorade shower that Doc Rivers was given on the bench as the Celtics won their first NBA title in 22 years against the Los Angeles Lakers.

I’ll always remember the emergence of Vanderbilt’s Shan Foster and his catchy NBA Draft song.

I’ll always remember Western Kentucky’s Ty Rogers and his miraculous game-winning shot against Drake in the NCAA Tournament.

I’ll always remember Georgia’s run to the SEC Tournament Championship and the buzz created around Atlanta, a city I will be in on Sunday afternoon.

I’ll always remember the Lady Comets’ 2008 volleyball season and the play of Rachel Walton and Kelsey Watson.

I’ll always remember Vanderbilt’s 5-0 start and College Gameday’s first-ever visit to Nashville when the ‘Dores faced Auburn in front of a National audience, winning in front of a packed Vanderbilt Stadium.

I’ll always remember Davidson’s magical run to the Elite Eight behind sweet-shooting Stephon Curry and how, if Davidson won, we wouldn’t have to hear about Mario (Bleeping) Chalmers.

I’ll always remember the wild pitch that was thrown by softball player Sierra Coltharp prior to Crichton’s doubleheader against Central Baptist.

I’ll always remember the slow start by the Colts and their current winning streak, which I’m sure is going to extend on Sunday when the Titans come to Indianapolis.

I’ll always remember characters like BD, Courtneee, Q, Nutz, Ginny, Zarko, Jas, Long, and the cast of characters who made covering Crichton athletics fun.

I’ll always remember the 28 homers that Josh Hamilton hit in the first round of the final Home Run Derby at Yankee Stadium.

I’ll always remember Manny Ramirez being traded to the Dodgers and leading them to the NLCS.

I’ll always remember the redemption of Andre Allen, going from National punchline to a key player at Crichton where he is now second on the team in scoring.

I’ll always remember the monster dunks made by Marqueys Brown, including one he made against Mountain State on December 6th.

I’ll always remember losing to former Crichton softball player Aimee Grissom in basketball a week before the basketball season ended.

I’ll always remember the kindness of my second mothers in the Athletic Department, Donna McWorther and Bobbi Tunstall.

I’ll always remember the 2007-08 Memphis Tigers and all of the memories that team provided me and this city and how to this very day, those final moments of the National title game still haunts us.

But most importantly, I’ll always remember all of you who have been on this wild journey with me and the rest of the gang as this will more than likely be my final column for The Nasty Boys in 2008.

Thanks again to Matt and the rest of the crew for giving me the opportunity to write my thoughts on the sports world for the last two years.

My “faculty adviser” Coach Matt Sanders for helping me not only with my classes but also spiritually, especially after the deaths of my friend and my beloved aunt.

The people at Republic Coffee for letting me perform on Tuesdays and the people that I have been plugged in with so far at Fellowship Memphis.

All of our readers and affiliates throughout the region for linking with us, in the process creating new fans of our work.

The Crichton Student Government Association for the continued support since the beginning of the school year as well as the Office of Student Development at Crichton College.

And finally, my joy Shamika and her beautiful daughter Madison. I can’t express how much you brighten my day and I treasure our friendship more than anything. I love you with all my heart.

A Very Emmitt Thanksgiving

Hey all, this here is Emmitt to wish all you Nasty Boy fans a very Happy Hollerdays. When you get to your family during Thanksgiving be sure to think about being with your family on this day.

Today I am going to give you Emmitt’s best hollerday suggestions:

-When you cook da turkey, make sure you don’t overcook da turkey.

-Turkey and dresser is da best meal you can get.

-Thanksgiving Day football games are like history and when I played for Dallas we played in all the Thanksgiving days that we played in.

-Make sure you try da cranberry sauce because it just wouldn’t be cranberry sauce without it.

I hate to change the topic but I am going to…

It has been a good year, 2008 has and Emmitt has a lot to be thankful for. I had a very punctual year and I can’t wait to get back on ESPN for work again with the NFL. Which brings me to why I’m here, da NFL.

A lot has happened this NFL season since it started because it has been so long ago so I am going to give you my thoughts from the NFL season up to Thanksgiving Day:

-Da Rookie of da Year is none other than Atlanta quorterback Matt Ryan. Matt is the best quorterback to come through Atlanta since he got there.

-Da MVP — or Most Valuable Person — is gotta be Kurt Warner of the Arizona Cordinals. He has taken my former team to da next level through his great play at the quorterback position.

-Da Detroit Lions are very bad but they won’t be as bad if they win a game eventually.

-Da Bengals are in turmoil and I have been there but you have to realize you’re in turmoil before you can fix it.

Unfortunately my time is short ant that is all I have for you on this Thanksgiving Day.  I hope you’re there for me and whenever you get down and think life is bad, remember Emmitt is there for you.

-Emmitt

Charlie Hustle’s Quote Of The Day

Ed.’s Note: Once again, this gem was left on my desktop by the legendary Charlie Hustle…

Regarding ESPN’s “The Talented Mr. Roto” Matthew Berry and this article: ESPN.com…

“He’s a fantasy football expert which officially puts him on the women attractiveness scale right below toll booth worker.  It’s like he meets some chick at the bar and when she politely asks him what he does for a living and he responds ‘Fantasy Football Expert,’ there is absolutely no follow up question given; the same confused look as if he said child rapist.”

Other Charlie Hustle Randmoness:

• Charlie Hustle’s Question Of The Day

Change Has Come, So Let’s Get To Work

With the election over and done with, the new tasks that our sports world will take on as Barack Obama becomes this nation’s 44th president will be without question daunting.

Obama’s win will give hope and change to a huge following of Chicago Cub fans like Bob Swerski who believe with all their hearts that the Lovable Losers will win their first World Series in over a century.

Yes they can.

This win for America will give new meaning to success stories, stories like the 2008 Tampa Bay Rays, who went from perennial losers to World Series participants.

Yes they did.

The Memphis Tigers, the unwanted stepchild of the NCAA Tournament, are winners of three straight Conference-USA Championships, winners of a record-38 wins that earned them a berth in the NCAA title game proving that, although you’re in a so-called weak conference, you can achieve the impossible.

Yes they did.

Crichton’s volleyball team, who went from going 0-fer to being one of the best in the country this year, because of the talent that has been brought in with players like Kelsey Watson and sophomores Rachel Walton and Jasmine Vann.

Yes they can.

The Fresno State Bulldogs, who if not for Josh Hamilton and the Rays, would probably have been my pick for best baseball story of the year, beat the mighty Georgia Bulldogs to win the College World Series.

Yes they did.

There’s been so many stories in sports of change and hope this year, whether it was Josh Hamilton’s performance in the 2008 All-Star Home Run Derby to the redemption of Brad Lidge, who until the 2008 World Series was known for giving up El Hombre’s home run in the 2005 NLCS and Scott Posedneik’s walk-off in the World Series, was able to bounce back and record the final out of this year’s World Series.

True we do have haters of Obama as we do haters of this website you are reading now.

But all bullshit aside, we should put down our differences and unite as sport fans and Americans.

It doesn’t matter if you voted for McCain or Obama (as I did).

Because at the end of the day, we are all Americans.

Now that the change has come for our country, it’s time for us to get to work and make this country great for sports and democracy.

Election Day Redux: If I Were President

Ed.’s Note: This piece first ran two days after the Super Bowl on “Super Tuesday” in February at the start of the Presidential campaigns.  Enjoy (hopefully) on this Election Day…

All of this Super Tuesday talk has really gotten me in the mood to talk politics.  Wait, who am I kidding?  I could careless about politics unless Boomer Esiason is running for the Oval Office; however, I do know what I would do if I were ever elected to office.

If I’m President…

• The Monday after the Super Bowl will be a National holiday. – How many of you took any time off of work this past Monday?  1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9…10…11…12…wow, OK, let’s try this again.  How many of you WENT to work on Monday?  1…2…….5.  A total of five.  The five who went to work on Monday does not include yours truly.

• The White House will be repainted Kentucky blue and renamed accordingly. – GO BIG BLUE!

• The phrase “Play ball!” will be recited by everyone in the Chamber prior to the State of the Union Address. - Self explanatory.

• Every American citizen will get the first two days of the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament off to “do their taxes.” – Let’s be honest, you already have your taxes e-filed with H&R Block software, and with direct deposit you’ll have your return before Valentine’s Day (and thank God because the old lady has REALLY been riding your ass this year) but upper management doesn’t have to know this.

• The Presidential safe-haven known as “Camp David” will be relocated to Sarasota, Florida in February and March. – It will also be renamed “Reds’ Spring Training.”

• All state-side National Hockey League teams will be relocated to Canada.  Permanently. - If I could have ever followed that damn puck on television, the NHL might have stood more of a chance.  Sorry guys, but it’s nothing personal.

• All East-coast ESPN offices will be relocated to the West Coast.  Permanently. -  We’re all tired of hearing about the New England Patriots, the Duke Blue Devils, and Big Ten football.  Sorry guys, but it’s likely personal.

• Congress will be comprised of the winning teams of the World Series, the Super Bowl, and the NBA Finals, along with the winners of the Master’s Tournament, the Indianapolis 500, the Daytona 500, and the Kentucky Derby — the horse, not the jockey. – These athletes are likely more recognizable than anyone ACTUALLY in Congress now and most of them could probably make better decisions as well — the horse included.

• September 2nd will be a National Day of Remembrance. – It’s Adolph Rupp’s birthday.  It’s the least you can do.

• Instead of “Carbon Offsets” for corporations there will be “Dick Vitale Offsets.” – And ESPN will have to buy a whole hell of a lot of them if they ever want to hear Dickie V. talk again.

• And finally: Ric Flair will be my Vice President, Billy Gillispie will be my Chief of Staff, Pete Rose will be my Secretary of the Treasury, Ken Griffey Junior will be my Secretary of Defense, Rich Brooks will be my director of F.E.M.A. (for rebuilding), Chad Johnson will be my Press Secretary, and Erin Andrews will be my First Lady. - Need I say more?

SEC Rankings – Week 5

After the weekend that was for the SEC, I again would like to welcome you guys back with my SEC power rankings for the week of September 28th.

1. Alabama (After thrashing Georgia Saturday, the Kentucky Wildcats comes to the Capstone for their SEC opener. Certainly, the Tide won’t care if they play the same way they played against Georgia.)

2. LSU (Mississippi State wasn’t exactly a red-letter game on the Bayou Bengals’ calendar, but after the Bulldogs got hammered by Georgia Tech September 20th, the Bulldogs hung with the Bayou Bengals until Charles Scott punched in two touchdowns to send the Bayou Bengals into the bye week winners over MSU 34-24.)

3. Vanderbilt (I can’t believe I’m typing this. Vanderbilt welcomes Auburn to 25th Avenue South and given the way the Plainsmen been playing, can anyone say 5-0?)

4. Georgia (Time to ditch the black jerseys, Dawgs. You got owned by ‘Bama in them.)

5. Florida (For Urban Meyer’s sake, he won a National title unlike his predecessor. Had he not won that title, do you think Urban Meyer would be able to show his face around Gainesville after losing to Ole Miss?)

6. Auburn (Defense shines, but the offense is still suspect in Auburn.)

7. Ole Miss (Win over Florida gives Rebels much needed confidence for the SEC slate.)

8. South Carolina (Uh oh, the Gamecocks have to head to Oxford. Can Gamecocks stand and deliver?)

9. Kentucky (Toughest road trip of the season comes up for ‘Cats this weekend.)

10. Tennessee (For the first time in life, people in Knoxville are counting down the days til basketball season.)

11. Arkansas (Angry Gators come to Fayetteville. Let’s see if the Razorbacks can make ‘em more angry this weekend.)

12. Mississippi State (Dream season was nothing more than a mirage.)

My time’s up. You’ve been a great audience. VOTE OBAMA!!!!!

Cat Fancy

 

After another typical Bengals loss (the kind where we have a chance to win but never do), a chipper Marvin Lewis entered the Bengals Press Room as calm as a serial killer explaining the voices in his head forced him to kill 50 hookers.

Lewis’ mysterious demeanor after the Bengals 0-3 is part-in-parcel to the fans’ frustrations with one of the worst franchises in the NFL. His vague answers reflect his “losing is ok” mentality and dictate to anyone listening that their loss was inevitable.

CAUTION: Marvin Lewis’ answers may cause confusion and high blood pressure

Q: Is it frustrating, with a veteran offense, when you have to call early timeouts?
ML: We had a problem with the (helmet) communicator. Carson couldn’t hear the play, and I’d rather not take the delay of game there. I guess they have frequency problems there in New York. It became an issue and happened early. The league was aware there was a problem, and it bit us in the butt early in the game. And so we had to get that resolved. There were a couple of plays early in the game where he couldn’t hear.

Charlie Hustle’s take: If anyone has watch Bob Bratkowski’s offense in the past few years, he has implemented a no-huddle offense where Carson calls the plays/check-downs at the line. Some of the Bengals’ most explosive offense has comes as a result of the no-huddle. Carson knows the playbook backwards and forwards.

If you fucking knew there may be a problem with the radio signals you either A) put in some sideline hand signals B) make a simple substitution with the entering player calling the play or C) just let Carson run the offense like he knows how to.

When you waste timeouts in the second half of close NFL games, you lose the ability to manage games.

Q: Your defense has only one sack through three games:
ML: We want it to be better. We need to get more pressure. We got a lot of pressure yesterday but weren’t able to get him on the ground.

CH: Last year’s favorite excuse, injuries, for the lack of pass rush has simply been replaced by an even more asanine reasoning – “uhhhh I wish we were better.” The NFL is a league of adjustments. To have 1 sack in the 3 games is a clear indication that there have been no adjustments made. And for the record, Keith Rivers, the savior of our defense who currently still ranks #2 in tackles among rookies, managed to record 0 tackles… clearly improving.

Q: The play with T.J. Houshmandzadeh on last regulation drive … he couldn’t get a first down, and then you couldn’t spike it because it was third and one … that was huge. But looking back, do you think you should have taken a shot in the end zone?
ML: Carson has to deliver the ball to the open part of the coverage. He’s not going to throw the ball in the end zone and risk an interception. I don’t know that there was no way. But the play call that he made, he put the ball in the right spot, and Antonio (Chatman) comes very close to making the guy miss and scoring. That’s all you can do. At that point, where you are on the field, your chances of getting five guys in the end zone, and, as you say, take that shot, are difficult to do without risking the sack and throwing you out of field goal range.

CH: You play to win on the road. This particular answer was given by Marvin after laughing as if it were ridiculous to throw it in the endzone. It’s almost as if that no team has ever scored a touchdown to win in the final minutes because the defense knew it was coming. This lack of ability to win was predictable and the clock management was atrocious. Nothing more to say about it.

And now my favorite part…. it’s time to play………….

CONFUSING MARVIN QUOTES!!!!

“The defense had a great start to the day and didn’t finish as well as they had started. “

“Yeah, we can’t give up a third-and-fourteen play like that.”

“The confidence comes from doing things right. Those are the things that you’re always telling somebody.”

“We did some good things in some areas, and there are some things we need to tighten. “

“You get on that bike, and if you pedal and stay on the mid-line, you won’t fall over. If you don’t pedal fast enough, you’ll fall over.”

 

Thanks again Marvin for the enlightenment. Good luck next season.

 

– Charlie Hustle

You Can’t Ask For More, Can You?

Doc’s Note: This is the latest in a series of columns about sports at Crichton College. Check back with more tales from the place called North Highland Park.

In what has already been a historic year in North Highland Park where, for the first time ever, two teams from Crichton won on the same day when the volleyball team defeated St. Catherine’s College and the men’s soccer team defeated Spring Hill College on August 29th. Thursday afternoon’s book signing involving yours truly and the volleyball game later on could have easily been a 21-gun salute.

For much of this week, you couldn’t go anywhere around the campus in North Highland Park without seeing everyone wearing red.

In fact, during basketball practice on Wednesday afternoon, senior forward Zidyiah Carter, who just so happens to be my next-door neighbor, pulled out a red asthma pump.

Talk about painting the town red.

The leadup to Thursday’s celebration looked more like the leadup to what will be on Sunday at Yankee Stadium as the Yankees play their last game at the venerable stadium.

At 1:25 p.m., softball pitcher/first baseman Brittney Davis, yours truly, and Julie Nichols all threw ceremonial pitches to former Crichton rightfielder Jasmine Scudder, beginning the first ever student book signing in North Highland Park.

For an hour, North Highland Park celebrities like Courtnee Steen, Dr. Bradley Greer, Redbird Redhot Lauretta Plummer, as well as my former elementary school principal Dr. Ruby Payne, who has been at Hanley Elementary School in Memphis since the Reagan Adminstration, came by to congratulate me on the debut book.

“Are you heading to Hollywood?” asked faculty athletics representative Dr. Bill Carr.

“No sir,” I replied, “I have a year to go in school and a volleyball game to do tonight.”

“He’s not going anywhere,” neighbor and soccer standout Gavin “Dodgey” Smith said after the reception ended, “This school is trying to keep him grounded.”

Once all the confetti and candy was gone from the reception, the Lady Comets volleyball team, which like most of the athletic teams in North Highland Park wore red to support yours truly,  had their chance to cap off Thursday’s festivites by facing off against the Lane College Lady Dragons.

And in a woodshed beating that looked similar to basketball’s thrashing of Blue Mountain School For Boys, the Lady Comets, playing their best volleyball of the season, completed Thursday with a sweep of Lane with one of the matches finishing 25-4 thanks in part to the play of Rachel Walton, Kelsey Watson, and Andressa DaSilva.

After all is said and done, there’s no question in my mind that yesterday, like August 29th, was historic.

After all, can there be anything that tops it?

Not really.

Ol’ One Nut Is Back

Not content sitting at home with his lone ball, resident bad ass Lance Armstrong will reportedly resurrect his cycling career from retirement to run the Tour de Freedom again in 2009. Armstrong, who won an unprecedented 7 straight Tours, has spent the last three years having sex with such hotties as Sheryl Crow and Kate Hudson, not to mention being linked to the Bob Saget-approved Ashley Olsen (your guess is as good as mine).

Lance turns 37 this year and will also allegedly ride in four additional road races that nobody will watch all while publishing blood test results to prove that he’s the last man on the circuit not doping before, during, and after the Tour.

Suck it you Frenchie freedom haters, your worst enemy is back and even with only a single testicle he’s twice the man any of you are. I don’t know about any of my loyal fans, but I — for one — am still validating my daily life with a yellow ‘LIVESTRONG’ bracelet and if you’re not, well, it is clear that you hate America.

♣ Linkage: FOX Sports

I’m Back Like Brett Favre

Yes, this is an actual screen shot of a game of Tecmo Super Bowl I won against the computer during my time off. I told you I had important business to tend to.

Everyone can breath a sigh of relief as I have returned to give direction and purpose to your life; however, a lot happened while I was off rescuing the illegitimate children of Shawn Kemp — let’s relive some of the memories, shall we?

-Brett Favre Unretired: Did you hear about this story? It was lucky to make the back pages…

-Several MLB’ers Were Traded: Thank you, Cincinnati, for trading away the only reasons I had to watch a Reds game the rest of the season.

-The Chinese Government Faked A Bunch Of Olympic Crap: In communist China the national anthem sings you!

-Michael Phelps Won An Ass Load Of Gold Medals: Suck it, Spitz.

-U.S. Gymnast Shawn Johnson Stole Our Hearts: She’ll be 18 on January 19, 2010 for those of you who are interested [See: Bob Swerski].

-And Doug Gottlieb Probably Stole Your Wallet: Once a thief, always a thief.

-The Bengals Resigned Chris Henry: …wait, what?

As you can see we have a lot to catch up on and that was only the tip of it, just to see how it felt. By the looks of things around here while I was gone it is time to start cracking that whip…

It has been too long,

M