1,000,000

Amidst the John Calipari-to-Kentucky turmoil yesterday afternoon this very site surpassed the 1,000,000 hit mark going back to June of 2007  I never thought we’d see numbers like that regardless of how long it took so I appreciate the many (or few) that made this happen and those of you that take the time to comment and engage in fun, interesting, and informative sports banter — that’s what Charlie Hustle and I had in mind back in early 2007, just after the New Year, when the idea for TNB was born.

Thanks goes to all the guys here that post when they can, regardless of how frequently or infrequently;  I realize we’re all busy and it has been a fun ride doing all this with people I call friends.

I hope any of you still around now that things have slowed down in 2009 have enjoyed what we have had to offer along the way and I hope for many more moments in the future.

Best,

MJ

Get Your Tin Foil Hats Out Because…

It must be admitted that I have very few links to support any of my quotes (I’ll add video clips/links as soon as possible) or any of my theories…get your scorecards ready, folks…

11:45AM UPDATE: Here is an ESPN link with an Andy Katz-on-Mike and Mike in the Morning video along with a Jay Bilas-on-Mike and Mike audio link supporting some of the statements below:  ESPN.com

-The ESPN Machine

ESPN’s Colin Cowherd mentioned on his radio show that Memphis isn’t with the likes of UK, UNC, UCLA, and that the job in Lexington is a “top five” position. Colin mentioned John Calipari “has to take the Kentucky job” and that Lexington is a “beautiful city,” among other things.  Andy Katz has added that he thinks Coach Cal is coming to Kentucky, that this move “changes the face of SEC basketball,” and that the hire would automatically make the Wildcats a team to play for again among the other top programs.  I have also heard Jay Bilas (“I would go there in a heartbeat if I were John Calipari”) and Doug Gottlieb (“Kentucky is KENTUCKY”) being on the Cal-to-Kentucky bandwagon.  So what am I getting at?

ESPN has a gozillion dollar SEC basketball television contract starting next season and for a network that the Cat fanatics normally decry as being overwhelmingly “against” Kentucky, all of the talking heads have quickly started playing a new tune despite most saying just days ago that Kentucky didn’t give Billy Clyde Gillispie a fair shake at life in Lexington.  This after claiming the Kentucky crazies “ran” Tubby” out of town two years ago.  A change of tune indeed. (2:15PM Update: ESPN’s home page now has this article –front and center — to go along with the Coach Cal speculation, ESPN.com.  Maybe the tune at ESPN hasn’t completely changed, at least on the hit-or-miss “Page 2″.)

Could the ESPN machine be thinking ratings if they can continue to hype John Calipari as the new head honcho of Kentucky basketball?  Is ESPN trying to get back in to the good graces of Big Blue Nation with the SEC deal on the horizon?  Just keep in mind that ESPN is, ultimately, a business…that’s all I’m asking.

-Coach Calipari Is Playing His Cards

I’ve heard a small buzz about John Calipari’s historical use of the tease to get more money out of his current employer.  Many Cats fans lurking around the message boards are overlooking this minor detail and some are eving saying Calipari heading north is a “done deal.”  What I somewhat suspect and eternally fear is that Coach Cal is flirting with Kentucky to receive a hefty pay raise from Memphis.

It wouldn’t be unprecedented and should be less than unexpected if it does, in fact, go down.

-Benedict Arnold Is Mettling In Kentucky Affairs

Kentucky lurkers thought it was a forgone conclusion that Billy Donovan was heading to Lexington back then and some “sources” even reported an Eddie Munster resignation just last Friday.   However, it was rumored that Rick Pitino advised Billy Donovan to pass on the Kentucky job two years ago and head for higher ground — ground that ended up being Orlando and then Gainseville again.   Most of the The Faithful think Pitino feared Donovan heading to Kentucky and one-upping his former boss (Donovan was an assistant under Ricky P. during the Kentucky glory days), some suspect that’s why Pitino “advised” his former underling to turn down the nation’s winningest program, and even a few even suggest it has happened yet again.

Coach Pitino also suggested that Arkansas’ John Pelphrey and Oklahoma State’s Travis Ford, both of who were players at Kentucky under Pitino, would be sure-fire hires in his (not-so-) humble opinion (ESPN.com).  While I like Coach Ford and feel he’s done well at Campbellsville, Eastern Kentucky, Massachusetts, and Oklahoma State, some also feel he doesn’t have the experience necessary to right the Big Blue Ship despite having the Kentucky ties and having the familiarity with the fanatical Cats fans.  Ditto that for Coach Pelphrey with an even less-impressive track record (no offense intended, but he missed postseason play in a “down” SEC this year with a losing conference record and a losing overall record).

Is Pitino trying to flex his muscle just enough to remain King of the Bluegrass?  Could he fear a head-to-head and in-state rivalry with the likes of John Calipari (one which may already exist, if only in some people’s eyes)?

Only the man in the white suit has those answers.

-P.S.

It should be noted that I enjoyed seeing Louisville lose yesterday and have now said for more than one year that Rick Pitino is looking increasingly sickly on the sidelines. I am having more and more people confirm my observations as he looked utterly exhausted after yesterday’s loss.

I would also like to add that on this very site (in a comments thread) I had this to say about the nation’s number one #1 seed:

“Lewisveele only beat Kensucky by 3 on a luck last second shot by Edgar ‘Don’t Call Me Sammy’ Sosa.

They’re overrated and they’ll under perform in the tourney according to ‘expert’ expectations like they have every year except their lone Final Four year under Benedict Arnold. They didn’t even play one of the upper half of the hardest Big East schedules.”

With Billy Gillispie Out… Big Blue Nation Wonders “Who’s Next?”

After two turbulent seasons, Billy Gillispie is gone from the Big Blue Nation. What's next for the 'Cats?

By now (unless you are living under a rock) you’ve heard the news that Billy Gillispie was fired as the head coach at the University of Kentucky yesterday afternoon.

Kentucky Athletic Director Mitch Barnhart said that it really had little to do with wins and losses (although Kentucky did tie for the second most losses this season in school history) and had more to do with the fact that he was not the ‘ambassador to the university that they would like the head coach at the University of Kentucky to be.’

Having said that, Kentucky is now in the market for a new head coach and as a member of “The Nasty Boys” that has been absent for more than a year at this point… I figured this was as good of a time as any to bring myself back to the blogging world with a Top 5 list of candidates that I think the “Big Blue Nation” should consider.

One other thing I’d like to add before jumping into my list is that regardless of who Kentucky hires as their next basketball coach.. so long as Patrick Patterson & Jodie Meeks come back next season and the new coach can keep Daniel Orton committed to Kentucky, they “should” be at least a Sweet 16 team in my opinion next year if not better.

Having said that, lets be honest here, I don’t think  Billy Donovan nor John Calipari, or even Tom Izzo, are going leaving their posts to come to Kentucky, so they will not be on my Top 5 list.  But let’s start with number one on my list…

1.   Jay Wright (Villanova Head Coach, Bucknell ‘83)

Most people don’t believe he would leave Villanova for Kentucky after many believe he privately rebuffed UK two seasons ago, but now may be as good of a time as ever for him to leave.  He’s on the verge of a Final 4 at Villanova this season and is still relatively young in the coaching ranks (48 years old this year).  But he’s probably going to lose a lot of his core to this seasons’ team (Scottie Reynolds, Dante Cunningham) and if he is not going to leave for an NBA job, UK is about as close to NBA type pressure as it will get.

Wright’s been to 4 Sweet 16’s in the last 5 seasons at Nova and has recruited to Philadelphia awfully well, which many UK fans want to hear.  He is also probably one of the most personable coaches in America and is very charasmatic, which I believe Kentucky needs more than anything with their next hire.

The only thing tying him to Nova’ right now is the fact that he was an assistant there under Villanova great Rollie Massimino, but the opportunity to leave the rugged Big East for the SEC may be another thing that lures him in.

All and all, I think Wright would be a fantastic hire for the Cats.  But if he turns them down, lets move on to #2 on my list…

2. Rick Barnes (Texas Head Coach, Lenoir-Ryhne ‘77)

Another name that most don’t believe would leave his place at Texas for UK after he was also believed to have privately rebuffed UK, but obviously the situations are a bit different now.  Barnes was coming off of a second round NCAA loss to USC and had a strong core in place at the time to make a Final 4 (not including Kevin Durant).  The next year with D.J. Augustin the Horns’ made the Elite 8 before bowing out to Memphis and this season lost in Round 2 to Duke.

Again, like Wright, he’s likely going to lose some key players to graduation or the NBA in Damian James, AJ Abrams, and company and if he’s going to leave, now is as good a time as any from that standpoint.  Again, like Wright, he has a wonderful personality and would be a great ‘ambassador’ that Barnhart says he is looking for, so I’m sure he will get another call.

The sticking point with Barnes is that his teams tend to lack the ‘killer instinct’ for one thing and I personally don’t believe his recruiting has been as strong lately as it has been in the past.  A second thing that stands out is that he’s been around the block a bit having been at George Mason, Providence, and Clemson before settling at Texas in 1998.  So he may see Texas the place he plans to spend the rest of his career.  So we will move on to #3 on the list…

3. Thad Matta (Ohio State Head Coach, Butler ‘90)

From Hoopeston, IL, this man has basketball in his blood and is very young at age 41.  He’s a relentless recruiter as evident by the talent he’s been bringing into Ohio State over the past few seasons with Greg Oden, Mike Conley, Evan Turner, and others.  And he’s also seems to be a pretty likeable and personable guy who would represent the university well.

He’s shown that he has been known to be a bit of a ‘job jumper’ as his first job was at his alma-mater, Butler, where he spent only 1 season before moving on to Xavier for 3 seasons, and then to Ohio State for where he has been the past 5 seasons.

One thing that worries me with Matta is whether he is a great coach and great recruiter?  Or is he just a great recruiter and an ‘ok’ coach?  I tend to lean towards the second answer myself, but his last 2 seasons he has had very young teams in Columbus, so maybe it’s just the growing pains of starting freshmen & sophomores.

Either way, given the talent that UK ’should’ be able to get on a yearly basis if he were to be coach, he would be a good fit.  The question is does he want to leave a place where football is king for a place where basketball rules the landscape?  On to #4 on the list…

4. Mike Anderson (Missouri Head Coach, Tulsa ‘82)

Anderson is a bit of a wild card name getting toseed around thanks to the run he is experiencing with Mizzou in his third season on the job.  The team is on to the Elite 8 and will face UConn in a chance to take Mizzou to their first Final 4.  A lot of UK fans will remember Mike from his time at UAB where he took down #1 overall seed Kentucky in the second round of the NCAAs in 2004.

Anderson was a long time assistant to Nolan Richardson at Arkansas and I believe would love to get back to the SEC if he could seeing as how he grew up in SEC Country (Birmingham, AL).  His style of play is very similar to Pitino ball with what many has dubbed “Controlled Chaos” where they press for 40 minutes and try to lure you into a track meet.

The question with Anderson is really a matter of if he can recruit well enough for UK?  At Missouri and UAB, he’s never landed any ‘major’ recruits and he reminds me an awful lot of Tubby Smith.  I’m not so sure Barnhart is going to want to hire a guy similar to that which many people wanted out when he left for Minnesota.

This leads me to #5 on my list and the man I ultimately believe will end up with the job…

5. Travis Ford (Oklahoma Sate Head Coach, Kentucky ‘94)

He’s young (39), he’s entergetic, he understands Kentucky basketball probably better than anyone else Kentucky is looking at for the job seeing as how he played under Pitino in the early 90s, and this is his dream job.  I am not so sure that any of the above names on my list can say that Kentucky is truly their ‘dream job’.  I believe Travis can say that.

He brings a style of play that is very similar to Pitino’s and would be welcomed by the UK fan base, not to mention that he is very charismatic and would certainly represent the university well.

The downside is that he doesn’t have much NCAA Tournament experience as he’s only been to the tournament twice (once with Eastern Kentucky, and then again this season with Oklahoma State), and he’s certainly not Kentucky’s #1 choice.

Then again, when UK hired Pitino after the whole ordeal with Eddie Sutton, I don’t think he was the #1 choice either, so maybe this would work.

Regardless of the fact that he’s not been a head coach at a major program but for just one season at Oklahoma State, he did a helluva job with the situation he was put in and almost led them to the Sweet 16 without a real legitimate post player.

I believe that if he was offered this job, he would jump at the opporunity without hesitation.

Other Names Who Missed The Cut But You May Hear About:

Sean Miller (Xavier)
Bruce Pearl (Tennessee)
Bob Knight (Ex-Texas Tech & Indiana Coach)
Avery Johnson (Ex-Dallas Mavericks Coach)

Please keep in mind that this is just my personal opinion of who I feel UK should take a look at and in no way do I have any inside sources that are telling me these are the guys who will be looked at.

Please feel free to leave any comments or questions you have in regards to the list, or heck, send us your own list.  Would love to hear others thoughts on the situation at hand for the Wildcats.

March Madness Baby

The Nasty Boys are lighting up the midnight oil to provide one of the first March Madness primers….assuming Pat Forde’s 10,000 word column was mainly written before the brackets came out…

Winners:

Big East – Hard to believe when ESPN has Big East Monday and covers the Big East conference tournament, that it could possibly result in 3 #1 seeds. ESPN dictates sports fans viewpoints with the vigor of a Soviet propaganda minister.

Memphis - Not a #1 seed? Who cares. After Cincinnati, Louisville, Marquette, etcetera left in 2005, Memphis seems to go pretty much defeated in the Washington Senator-esque Conference USA every year. They lost 3 games after losing their 3 best players to the NBA draft. Soak it up Calipari… you’ve come a long way baby

Just 15 years ago Cliff Huxtable was ready to whip your ass.

Big Ten – 7 tournament bids from the most horrendous offensive teams in recent history. But hey, they followed a simple formula… make one team so indefensibly bad they improve everyone’s conference record (Indiana) + make typical losers slightly better (NW, PSU, UofMich, Minny) + make your middle of the road teams (OSU, Purdue) as good as your best teams (Mich St, Illinois)

Arizona – Consistently underwhelm every year and do less with more? Check. Lose basically every game for 3 weeks leading up the tourney? Check. Sneak in as the last at-large bid? Check.

Atlantic 10 – If anyone would have told me before the season that the conference championship would include a luke warm Duquesne/Temple showdown and that there would be 3 bids coming for the tourney, well… ya know…

Losers:

Missouri Valley Conference – Your best team (Creighton) doesn’t get in and your best showing is a 12 seed (Northern Iowa)? Ouch.

Akron - Win a surprisingly tough MAC tournament? Good for you. Now go play Gonzaga in Portland.

Kentucky – Misses the tourney for the first time since 1991 even in a weak year for the SEC. Only a 4th seed in the NIT? Yikes. Maybe the extra time will help Billy G. find more than one player who can shoot a jumper.

… and now…

Announcers:

Gus Johnson – Anyone with a pulse will be excited to hear Johnson calling upset-last-second-shot victories.

Bill Raftery – Saying “mantoman” and “onions” in a weird voice does not a good playcaller make.

Ian Eagle/Jim Sparnakel – I wish there was an announcer website like baseball-reference.com that kept track of most consecutive boring, unimportant games called record holder – Ian Eagle. Whether it’s calling late season Chiefs/Bengals matchups or the enticing UNC/Radford showdown, Ian Eagle has it covered. That’s “eye-an” for those keeping score.

Lesley Visser/Tracy Wolfson/Sam Ryan – Hey, woman sideline reporter, NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY. Where’s my mute button….

Jay Bilas/Dick Vitale/Seth Davis – Just tattoo a Duke logo on your forehead and get it over with. We get it already….

Fakers:

Kansas – Great home team. Won last year. But no one is forgetting their streak of early round upsets especially since this team lost almost all of its main components from the Championship squad. They’re a year away.

Prediction: North Dakota St. wins. Gus Johnson strokes out.

Wake Forest – Talented team that just simply has not lived up to expectations after their #1 ranking in the middle of the season. Demon Deacs are just not up to it.

Prediction: Cleveland St. or Utah knocks them out.

Michigan State – Great coaching can make up for a lot of issues and Tom Izzo seems to have MSU competing every year for a Big 10 title. But this Spartans team can’t hang with anyone who can score more than 65 points. They just don’t have the shooters.

Prediction: Sent packing before the weekend is over.

Marquette – Dominique James couldn’t shoot for his life but for whatever reason, this team just cannot make up for his loss. They’ve been cold for a month and can’t recover.

Prediction: Utah State’s middle aged team (their best guy is 26 years old, due to school rules of 2 years doing church work) wears down Marquette and sends them home.

Tennessee - Bill Raftery on Wayne Chism’s long shorts-high socks look… “It looks like he’s wearing pajamas out there.” When your best player wears his head band on the crown of his head and your coach has a 365-day tan… you are making a quick exit.

Prediction: OK State by 10-20

Butler – No team has had more highly touted nonathletic white guys come through their doors than possibly save Gonzaga. I watched them lose to Cleveland St. and they don’t have the horses.

Prediction: UNC wins by 30 in 2nd round.

Syracuse - Coach? Check. Point guard? Check. Shooters? Check. But there’s a long list of teams that sell all the way out for the conference tournament and lay an egg in the NCAAs, and we’ll be adding this Syracuse team to the list. They were good enough to hang with the big boys in the Big East but every game seemed to fall apart at the end…

Prediction: Either James Harden (ASU) or Dionte Christmas (Temple) will send ‘Cuse home.

The Players:

Louisville – Seem to make up for their lack of shooters with a stifling press defense and lots of depth on the front line. They are a second-half team, and second-half teams that play great defense seem to win a lot of games (See Celtics, Cavs)

Prediction: Final Four

USC - Sometimes talented teams take a while to mesh, and if the Pac10 tournament is any indication, USC has just started to touch on their potential.

Prediction: Sweet 16+

Washington – Usually the Pac 10 is chock full of wimps who make early round exits but this Huskies team has quietly had its best team in years. They have 4 double-digits scorers (Thomas, Dentmon, Brockman, Pondexter), including their best scorer named Isaiah Thomas. Perhaps he too will become a Hall of Fame player then the worst GM ever.

Prediction: Elite 8 (after beating UConn in OT)

Memphis - A hot team with a fairly easy draw, Memphis will be making a Final Four appearance no matter how bad their conference is.

Prediction: Final Four

Pitt – Many people’s favorite to win, Pitt has played consistently well all year and has depth and talent. However, they simply cannot survive DeJuan Blair getting in foul trouble (see Louisville loss) and Jamie Dixon isn’t what I would call a “big game coach”.

Prediction: Elite 8

Portland State – My knowledge of this sleeper is due to degenerate gambling but they have a great shot at making a run. They can run, shoot lights out, and their best player is like 5′5″. Xavier usually saves its best for Dayton then sucks against other good teams.

Prediction: Sweet 16

VCU - Should come as no surprise, this team is well-coached, has good depth, and a killer prime time scorer in Eric Maynor. C-ya, UCLA.

Prediction: 101-98 loss to Nova.

Villanova – Out of all the big Big East names, this team is quietly hanging under the radar. But they have good scoring depth, two stars in Cunningham and Reynolds, and a coach that could fill in as Don Draper’s double on Mad Men.

Prediction: Final Four.

Duke – Great run in the ACC tournament but obvious front court weakness will eventually send the Dukies home and leave the Vitale/Bilas/Davis combination crying into their Van Heusen ties. Nova will be smart enough to guard the 3 point line and let the likes of Jason Zoubak beat them.

Prediction: Sweet 16

UNC – The deepest and most talented team in the field. A loss in the ACC tournament is going to make this team hungry and their hopes will ride on their floor general Ty Lawson’s foot. A full week of rest should do him wonders.

Prediction: Final Four

Gonzaga - Probably one of their best tournament teams in years. They are deep, talented, and Josh Heytvelt seems to be off the ’shrooms. They go down to UNC in a high-scoring affair.

Prediction: Elite 8

Arizona State – A great player can carry a team far in the NCAAs and the Sun Devil’s James Harden is as good as there is. If they can put the clamps on Dionte Christmas, the Sun Devils will be in the sweet 16.

Prediction: Sweet 16

Oklahoma - Interesting team with plenty of talent (Griffin brothers, Willie Warren) but they just seem to have lost some momentum after Blake’s concussion. Playing a streaky Clemson team in the 2nd round, they could be sent home very early. Having the best player in the country doesn’t always mean winning in the tourney (See: Kevin Durant).

Prediction: Sweet 16

Final Four: Memphis vs. Louisville and UNC vs. Villanova

Louisville’s defense is too much for freshman PG Tyreke Evans and they roll 65-58.

UNC keeps Nova in it with less than stellar D but Hansborough tends to get big men like Cunningham in foul trouble and UNC scores 50 in the 2nd half to win 87-83 in a nail-biter.

Championship: UNC vs. Louisville

Offense vs. Defense. Pitino vs. Williams. At the end of the day, there aren’t many teams I would trust to break the Louisville press more than Lawson and Company. Louisville keeps it close with some strong runs in both halves but can’t make enough shots down the stretch to keep up.

UNC wins 85-76

Good luck and as always, when your bracket falls apart, burn it in the fireplace.

– Charlie Hustle

What Does Kentucky Need To Do?

With Saturday’s loss to Florida the Wildcats in Billy G.’s second season are on the outside looking in concerning the Big Dance.

In fact, according to our “friends” at ESPN.com, the Wildcats wouldn’t even crack the last four in or even worse, the last four out.

If the tournament started today, South Carolina, Tennessee, and LSU would be the only  representatives from the SEC, a far cry from last year’s SEC representatives of Kentucky, Georgia, Mississippi State, Arkansas, Vanderbilt, and Tennessee, with Tennessee making the Sweet 16 for the 2nd year in a row (where they would lose to Louisville).

On the other hand, Kentucky would miss the tournament for the first time since 1991, back when MC Hammer was king of the music world and Will Smith was the “Fresh Prince”.

But despite the fear of what could happen to the Wildcats’ season and, more importantly, the future of Billy G, the Wildcats could do the same thing that Arkansas did back in 2000, win four games in four days to make the field of 64 thanks to this week’s SEC Tournament in Tampa. The Wildcats will open up against Ole Miss Thursday afternoon.

So what does this lead us to assume? From what was said in the Lexington Herald-Leader about Jodie Meeks being ordered to retain his shooting, this after scoring 45 points against Arkansas and dropping a Kentucky-record 54 against Tennessee, Meeks is going to have to block out what was allegedly said by Gillispie during the 2nd half against the Gators and shoot the ball more (and make it).

I’m Just Happy To Be Here

“Stone Cold” Marvin Lewis was stoic as usual during the formal introduction of Laveranues Coles as a Bengal.  If the writing isn’t on the wall then Marv’s face at least paints the picture and I think he knows as well as we do that it ain’t looking rosey.

That is the face of a beaten man.

Bengals Musings

Very much contradictory to my half-drunken predictions, the Bengals have resigned Cedric Benson to go along with Lavernezilli Coles signing in what are now the marquee moves for Cincinnati this offseason. All must be right in the Bengal Nation.  Bengal-mania is back!  WHO DEY!

Well, probably not, but I like to look at the bandwagon as having a revolving door to fit my needs.

-Hanoi Hobson’s old school spin.

Not quite sure how I missed this one last week but my current level of excitement cannot be contained so much that I have been trolling Bengals.com all morning and looking specifically at the wide receiver situation.  On February 23, Hanoi had this to say about Jerry Simpson:

“I know a lot of people inside and outside the Bengals fear Simpson is a bust but, to his great credit, Lewis has always backed Simpson to the hilt. So much so that Lewis seemed to be coaxing Palmer to get more in Simpson’s camp.

All I know is this: In 20 preseason and regular-season games last year, only one wide receiver actually made a downfield catch longer than 40 yards, and it was Simpson. Forget it was the preseason and it was a throwaway launched by and into a bunch of second-half backups. The kid jumped up and made a play, and that exactly hasn’t been happening around here.”

Yeah, please forget that 40+ yard catch was in the American Legion’s annual Celebrity Flag Football Game For The Cure and Jerry was being hilariously covered by local “celeb” Nick Lachey in the short-nonathletic-white-dude-competes-against-large-athletic-black-man irony that the average American loves.  Simpson (“Largest WR hands at the 2008 NFL Combine!”) had 1 reception for 2 yards the entire season.  True story.

I think Brett Favre had that in his first completion with Green Bay and last I heard he wasn’t a wide receiver nor was he coming out of retirement (yet).

-Bengals fans are collectively retarded. — My apologies to the retarded, being compared to a Bengals fan really paints those folks in a bad light.

Today’s fan poll on Bengals.com begs the question, “What do you think of the Laveranues Coles signing?” and 71% went with “Great move – now we have a deep corps  of receivers (Ed.’s Note: Citation needed.)“.  23.9% said, “It’s OK — doesn’t wow me either way (Ed.’s Note: That’s what she said.)” while 5.9% decided that it was a “Bad move — he’s no TJ”.

Let me preface my belligerent ramblings by saying I have no problems with Laveranues Coles and I actually didn’t mind the signing overall.  He seems like a class act, something that has been a rarity in recent history, and 4 of the last 5 seasons he has somehow found a way on to my fantasy team, with me having no recollection of actually drafting him or picking him up from the waiver wire, and performed sufficiently. (I will also add to the preface that a fourth choice of “It is a decent signing but the offensive line is still shitty” is a conspicuously absent option from the fan poll.)

However, the 71% of fans that are overly enthusiastic about the signing of Coles are indicative of a fan base that goes through life looking through orange-colored lenses and it really chaps my ass.  These are the same delusional human beings that buy in to the “Bengals finished strong” argument because the team went 4-3-1 in the last 8 games despite the fact the 4 wins were against divisional bottom-feeders with a combined .297 winning percentage.

I witnessed this problem up close in training camp last summer.  The exact same fans would show up every day covered in Bengals schwag from head to toe, begging for autographs from players half their age as if proving their blind, undying loyalty makes them better people than their unemployed reality portrays.  These are the same mongrels that show up every Sunday to Paul Brown Stadium, rain or shine, and plop their fat asses in uncomfortable chairs with their overpriced cheese coneys and $9 beers, helping to ensure that Mike Brown will have to change very little to continue making his millions.

-Please, please, PLEASE don’t use high draft picks on a running back or wide receiver.

Especially not after drafting three wide receivers last year (Simpson/Caldwell/Urrutia) and signing another one as a college free agent (Maurice Purify).  Benson and company in the backfield plus any combination of Ocho Cinco/Coles/Henry/Simpson/Your Mom may not be the best offense in the league, but the Bengals have far more pressing issues at this point than the skill positions.

Mr. Hobson initially agrees that the Benson/Coles signings will free up the draft for Cincinnati but quickly returns to usual form by claiming that wide receiver Michael Crabtree is still an option, especially now that Seattle has addressed their needs with Houshmazoad:

“The Bengals have plenty of needs, but they don’t have a gaping hole that they must fill with the No. 6 or No. 38 picks. Particularly at No. 6, where they can now take anything, and that includes Texas Tech wide receiver Michael Crabtree if he slips because of his foot stress fracture. But, if someone wants to jump and get Crabtree, now the Bengals have the luxury of trading down if they want to talk turkey at No. 6.

(Seattle, picking at No. 4, is presumably out of the receiver sweepstakes now that Houshmandzadeh is in the fold.)”

Heh, he said ‘gaping hole’. But seriously, the Bengals have needs and I know of one gaping hole in particular and it is wherever Eric Ghiaciuc lines up (or doesn’t if he doesn’t resign).

If the Bengals spend the #6 overall selection on a guy with a bum leg when they now have 8 wide receivers to take to training camp (plus any invitees), and with former Bengals Tab Perry and Kelley Washington still on the market, I may just turn to illicit drug use to ease the pain — otherwise known as “Weekday Mornings” in my household.

What We’ve Learned About The Bengals (So Far) From Free Agency

See the lifeboats in the lower left?  Yeah, that’s Stacy Andrews and TJ Housyourmamma getting the hell out of town and  don’t be surprised if Cedric Benson is soon to follow.  But what does this mean and what have we truly learned about the Bengals during the free agency period thus far?

-The Bengals were never legitimately in the mix for Housh.

Call me crazy but I am a broke college student and I don’t think I’d take a guaranteed contract to play for the Bengals; this franchise is a joke. Don’t get me wrong, I fully support the endeavors of Who Dey Revolution, but we’re a fan base that has resorted to sneaking in urinal cakes to Paul Brown Stadium documenting Mike Brown’s inferiority.

Carson’s constant phone calls tugging at the proverbial heartstrings of TJ only delayed the decision.  Seattle is a (marginally) better team in a weaker division offering more money to bring TJ closer to home.  Book it.  Done.

-Cedric Benson may soon follow.

You better get used to a 2009 edition of the Bengals lacking any offensive line depth along with playing sans our top receiver and (possibly) top running back from 2008.  Although Cedric Benson has taken enough police beatings to lack cognitive thought, he somehow still had the presence of mind to know that the Bengals are on a one way trip to Hell when he spoke with The Houston Chronicle:

“There’s a lot of things like staying home, and the business side of it here might be better than it is in Cincinnati,” he said. “Also, winning a Super Bowl. I had an opportunity to go (with Chicago), and I want to get back and win one.”

Ah yes, the hometown comes-a-calling excuse once more.  And the Bengals business side is shitty. Oh, and he’ll never win a Super Bowl in Cincinnati, either.

This guy was selling steaks out of a rapist van to cover court costs at the start of last season before signing with Cincy; but now, after less than one year with the Bengals, Ced would rather take a backup role to Steve Slaton in Houston than start for our loveable losers.

-Other teams’ free agents use the Bengals to catch a free flight through the Mid-west.

Giants’ free agent running back Derrick Ward visited Cincinnati over the weekend — a move that likely only further drove the wedge between Benson and the Bengals — only to sign with Buccaneers a day later.  I doubt Ward was ever seriously considering Cincinnati despite what Hanoi Hobson on Bengals.com would have you believe.

Instead of signing with the Bengals I picture Ward’s agent, Drew Rosenhaus, with his feet up on Mike Brown’s desk finalizing the details of the deal with Tampa Bay while Mike Brown “wined-and-dined” Ward with a Skyline 3-way and a Big Gulp.

You’d think the rest of the league would catch on to the fact that Bengals will likely sign NOBODY, but it seems clear free agents are still content ‘taking a visit’ to try to improve their market value before bolting for higher ground.

-The Brown Family is asleep at the wheel.

The Bengals have resigned just three crucial pieces to the Bengals’ “success” last year:  Chris “Leave Britney alone!” Crocker, DeDe Dorsey, and Darryl Blackstock.  They let Stacy Andrews walk — the guy they sent Willie Anderson packing for with nothing in return, and Stacy only had a 1 year deal at the time — and they have yet to sign a center or improve the depth on either side of the trenches.

But by God, they’ve franchised a kicker.