Mike Tyson Has Hot Girlfriend; Will Still Eat Your Children

Walking freak show and noted Eearios founder Mike Tyson was recently spotted with Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace (pictured above) of the United Kingdom’s version of Big Brother fame. Trust me, I didn’t know who the hell she was either but clearly that shouldn’t matter…until you realize she’s willing to date Mike Tyson.

If this completely demoralizes you and your chances of ever getting laid again, allow me to remind you that it most definitely should. Remember, Aisleyne is dating a guy who is the proud owner of a ridiculous face tattoo, multiple felony charges, spousal abuse accusations, and a rap sheet that would make most hardened criminals squirm. And lest we forget Tyson is the guy that has produced these gems for us over the years (some not-safe-for-work language):

What does a conviction on two counts of deviate sexual conduct and one count of rape get you these days? Apparently this:

Maybe I should reconsider my desired career path…Where’s the justice in this cruel, cruel world?

♣ Linkage: The Sun

Maybe Bengals Management Actually Knew Something We Didn’t

Troubled linebacker and former Bengal Odell Thurman has failed a NFL drug test for the third time in his career and is now facing an indefinite suspension from the league. Many were surprised when the Bengals released Thurman nearly two weeks ago after sticking with him during his two consecutive season-long suspensions, raising complaints that the move seemed rather untimely.

The Bengals now, however, give off the appearance of actually being smart, for once, having dumped the former Georgia Bulldog just prior to his latest issues with the league. Either a teammate or other member of the organization tipped management to his latest encounter with drugs or the coaching staff became suspicious after Thurman’s most recent trip home to attend his grandmother’s funeral.

Whatever the case may be, we have never been able to say with any ounce of regularity that the Bengals management has actually known something that the rest of western civilization didn’t. But this time they just might have.

I guess the sun even shines on a dog’s ass every once in a while.

♣ Linkage: SI.com